Imaginary Forge

Long time no type

2008-11-27T09:11:00.002-07:00

Hi, how have you been? Good, good.

It seems like forever since I've blogged. Very little free time these days, but that time has more often than not been spent on Facebook, looking up old friends. I have 74 now, and I'm picky about who I'll say "yes" to! I didn't know I even knew that many people. There are a whole group of us from my elementary school, believe it or not. It's fun, and a good way for me to keep in touch with my friends in other states since I moved way out here to Indiana.

So anything new with me? Actually, yes - sort of. The company I work for was called American Color, and they merged with a company called Vertis in October, so our company name has changed to Vertis, but that's about the only difference so far.

You may be aware that I was made "Interim Facility Manager" meaning that I was put in charge of the 12 employees that make up the Vertis facility located at Do it Best Corp. I was told that someone didn't think I had the goods to be made permanent (there are rumors as to who that someone is), and I was sitting on the edge of my seat for about 3 months not knowing if I was going to stay or be demoted back to a regular artist's position. People in my facility and in DIB Corp. kept asking me when I was going to be made permanent, and I kept having to say I didn't know, that some unknown person was saying I wasn't qualified because I didn't have enough premedia (prepress) experience. Never mind that I worked for a printing company for 6 years. Finally, I had enough, and I talked to DIB's main contact for Vertis and explained to him that I wanted the position permanently, that I was never given a clear explanation of why I wasn't permanent already, and what could I do to demonstrate that I knew what I was doing and was capable of taking the reigns? I think he respected my forthrightness, and we had a great conversation about the qualifications he was looking for, what I brought to the table, and what steps he and I both could take to make me permanent. He called my boss at Vertis in Chicago to recommend me, and a few weeks later I was made permanent! Yippee!!!

So, I am the permanent (as permanent as any job can be) Facility Manager. It's very much like an Art Director position, and I love it. I get to steer design and photography, and I also coordinate my people to get jobs out on time, and assist DIB with any projects their advertising and graphics departments need help with. I have 2 of the best Customer Service Reps, an IT superhero, an amazing proofreader, a magical imaging sorceress, fantastic artists, and a multi-tasking phenom who helps in every area. I couldn't ask for a better crew, and they sing my praises too, so I think I'm doing OK.

Whew!

2008-08-02T06:37:00.003-06:00

Well, folks, July is over. And I must say that the rest of it, while busy, was not awful.

We went to Kansas for Grandma's funeral without incident (other than the fact that many of my family members still think I'm 6 years old). My aunt who has had serious health problems for years was there, and she looks GREAT thanks to a new doctor who took her off half her meds.

I started a new class at school, an advanced graphic illustration class, and I am kicking ass.

Last week was my first week as the official Facility Manager (still interim, but likely to become permanent). I spent probably the first 3 days listening to everyone give me suggestions based on how things were done before. It was kind of annoying, because I have my own management style, and I hadn't even been given a chance to demonstrate it yet. However, after everyone got things off their chests and I was given some room to work, I made a pretty good impression and they shut up. By the end of the week, I received a nice compliment from one of my employees who told me they actually told the previous manager that I had some of his good management qualities, and more of my own good qualities on top of that. I also sent out an e-mail that was used as an example by my boss' boss for weekly update e-mails she would like to see from all of the Facility Managers. Cool, huh?

My brother-in-law is moving into town today from Texas. He should be arriving this afternoon, and we're going to help him move into the guest suite above his sister's garage. He would be moving into our apartment, except that we aren't moving out until the following weekend. It should be good practice for use before moving into our new house.

And on that note...today we go on a walk-through of our new house to make sure all of the repairs have been done according to what the inspection found. Nothing serious: there was a little bit of minor electrical work that needed to be done, and the garage doors needed to be replaced. We close next Monday, and take possession the 8th. So, that weekend we will be scraping together everyone we can find to help us move. Yea!

The week after we move, I get to meet my new cat. A girl I work with who lives out in the country had a couple of cats who each had a litter of kittens, and I got one of them. However, I couldn't take her yet because we don't have anywhere to put her in our apartment. So I've been waiting on a house to bring her home. She's kind of marked like our dog: white belly and feet, black on her back, and kind of marbled on her legs. Her face is mostly white, with a black spot around her nose. Very cute! She's about 3 months old now, and the only kitten left from the litters. She seems to be turning into a bit of a farm cat, so it might be an adventure moving her into a house. We do plan on letting her outside whenever she wants after she gets used to her new home, so she'll still be able to prowl around if she wants to. I can't wait to get to know her personality and find a name for her. Shelby grew up as a puppy in a house with a cat, so I think they'll get along fine.

Well, I've got errands to run and things to do. Have a great weekend everybody!

This week was one for the books

2008-07-12T22:28:00.003-06:00

So far, July is a very stressful month. Let's back up and review.... (WARNING: this entry includes reference to biological functions specific to females.)

Three things to note:

1. My husband and I are trying to start a family. We have been trying off and on for 3 years now, but we have recently gotten serious about it, keeping schedules and monitoring my "physical readiness". Before we got serious, the onset of menstruation wasn't a big deal - we must have just missed the right day, or judged wrong. And the practice has been fun, regardless. But now, every month about that time is tense, and spotting means another month of disappointment.

2. My husband and I have been in the process of buying a house since May. The seller has been dragging her feet in negotiations, especially since the inspection revealed mold in both of the attics (one over the house, one over the garage). We had her get it tested, and while it is not the toxic variety, I am sensitive to mold, and don't want to risk getting sick (or our kids sick). The cost to remediate the mold is between $7,000 - $12,000. The seller can't afford to pay for it outright, so she was going to try to file an insurance claim. The adjuster went and looked at it, and we were waiting to hear back.

3. My boss made an announcement that he is moving on from his position as facility manager, and described his ideal replacement, which I fit very well, so I expressed my interest in the position, and received his support in pursuing it. Then he left town for business.

Thursday (the 3rd), I received a ringing endorsement from one of my coworkers for the management position, and text-messaged my boss to let him know. That night, I was about to crawl into bed when I decided I needed to put my freshly charged phone in my purse so I wouldn't forget it the next day. I had a new text message from my boss, and after a brief text conversation in which I said I was not going to be up later, I went to bed.

The morning of Friday (the 4th), I started menstruating, so I was a little depressed. Then we went to the lake cottage owned by my husband's grandparents, and spent the day as the only childless people surrounded by well-meaning teasing relatives who are unaware that we're trying.

Saturday was relatively uneventful. Laundry, vacuuming, grocery shopping, etc. We were hoping to hear something about the house, but didn't.

Sunday was spent hanging out with my sister-in-law and my 3 nephews. That night, just before bed, we got an e-mail from our realtor that the seller's insurance company denied her claim, but she was offering to scrub the mold with bleach and paint over it with Kilz. The seller had sent an article about harmless varieties of mold, which the realtor forwarded to us. The original e-mail to the realtor was dated July 3rd.

Monday, I felt like crap physically because of the monthly business, I was somewhat depressed because of the childlessness it demonstrated, and the hormonal aspect of said monthly business made it hard to pull myself out of it. Hubby and I decided we would be willing to remediate the mold over the garage if the seller would take care of it over the house (still $5,000 for her). If she balked, we would walk away. Then I found out my boss was angry with me over a misunderstanding in our text conversation that I was oblivious to. Apparently, he needed something fairly urgently, and I had unwittingly given him the cold shoulder. I felt awful on top of feeling awful, but had little chance to talk to him, because he was in and out of meetings all day, having been gone several days of the previous week. I wanted to make certain he knew I was contrite, and that I had mistaken his politeness for casualness, which would not happen again, nor would it happen with anyone else. He was going to withdraw his support of my taking his soon-to-be-vacated position. I was desperate to explain myself and clarify my priorities, but we didn't get a chance to talk until almost 4pm. We sorted it out, but I felt very strained.

Tuesday the 8th, Hubby and I signed a mutual agreement with the seller that we would not buy the house and we would get our earnest money back. Our interest rate is still good until the end of July, so the race is on to find a new house. That night, while looking at houses online, my aunt in Oklahoma called to tell us that my grandmother in Kansas had pneumonia, and was taken by ambulance to a larger hospital further from her home to get better care, but not to worry too much, she was told it didn't seem terribly serious. I called my dad in New Mexico to make sure he knew and to see if he had any more information. He was fairly reassuring about Grandma, saying that if it was serious, he would have been contacted directly. I talked to my parents about the house and the job (they don't know we're trying seriously to get pregnant - we want to surprise them when it happens). They were very encouraging that we were making the right decisions, and I felt better.

Wednesday the 9th, Hubby and I looked at 3 houses, one of which we like quite a bit. Dad called while we were out, and said that Grandma was in the ICU, and they didn't think she was going to live much longer, but he didn't know if that meant a couple of days or a couple of weeks.

Thursday the 10th, my boss took me to lunch, which was very encouraging, and mentioned that his boss was on his way down from Chicago, and would want to talk to me. That night I e-mailed my mom for the address to send something to my grandma in the hospital.

Friday the 11th, my boss and his boss took me to lunch, and I was given the position on an interim basis, likely to become permanent. The announcement was made to the whole gang that afternoon, with the understanding that Monday would begin my two weeks of training. I talked to everyone individually, and they were all congratulatory, having no apparent issues with me in that position. I would just have to prove myself in the interim to our client in order to secure the permanent position, which I have every confidence I can do.

Saturday the 12th, Hubby and I spent the morning browsing houses online, and scheduled time to go look at them Sunday with our realtor. We were at an afternoon matinee when Mom called to tell us that Grandma was failing, and they were going to drive up to Kansas, and it was no use to send anything to the hospital since she wouldn't know it was there anyway. I cried on the way home from the theater, and felt angry that I never got to send anything, and I wouldn't get a chance to say goodbye. That night, while my phone was on the charger, Mom called and left a voicemail saying that Grandma passed away. I have no idea when any services will be, but I am going down to Kansas to be with my family, and I will miss most of next week. I wouldn't be able to focus well anyway, but I still feel stressed that I will miss out on several days of work. I also start a new session of school on Monday (the 14th), so I spent a lot of time trying to get ahead on my reading and any assignments I can (one of the great things about online classes is accessing them in advance). I stayed up late partly getting things done, partly unable to sleep.

Now it's Sunday the 13th, and today we are going to look at houses, then make travel plans and hit the road. Let's hope the rest of the month is less eventful.

I've seen you naked

2008-07-10T18:23:00.003-06:00

I see naked people everywhere. Any artist who is good at figure drawing can peel away a person's clothes and see how he/she is built with his/her mind. Sure, there are some details that are left only to the imagination, but I could look at a fully-clothed person and draw a pretty good approximation of his/her nude figure.

A good portrait artist really starts with the skeleton, positioning the major bones and general frame on the page first, then adds the bulk of the muscles and position of important elements. Finally, the details of clothes, hair, accessories, etc. are added at the end.

So, I regularly deconstruct people I see. I do it so often and habitually, that I don't even consciously realize it anymore, and I have to be careful not to stare at people. I do it so much, I feel as though I truly understand how a natural, healthy human body should look. I can look at an overweight guy at work and see exactly how the bulk of his middle tapers down to absurdly skinny ankles, and if he lost weight, what his correct shape would be like. I can see if a guy has pectoral muscles disproportionately larger than the rest of his upper body muscles (try a more balanced workout, dude). I can tell by a person's fingers what their toes look like, and yes, I can usually tell if a woman has had breast augmentation or reduction surgery (although padded push-up bras make it difficult to see if they're surgically modified or just pushed around).

I do the same thing with faces. I look at symmetry, and proportions of course, but I also notice details like the shape of the chin, the curve of the jaw, the angle of the eyes, the bend of the nose, how facial hair grows, and lip shapes.

Don't be alarmed, though. If I've seen you, I've probably mentally dissected you, but it's nothing personal. It's an intellectual exercise in human anatomy, with no connotations attached.

Of course, I do have an imagination, and if I really wanted to....

This one's for you

2008-07-05T13:03:00.002-06:00

Hey, Friend, I have to tell you that I love being friends with you. You're like family to me, even though I don't see you or talk to you that often. (Really, though, I don't see or talk to my real family that often either.) I don't know if you know, because I never really say it, but I love you, I care about you and what happens to you, and I want the best for you. Whether we talk every day or not for weeks (or even months) know this: I still choose you as my friend. I don't choose friends lightly. I may make acquaintances easily, but if I call you my friend, that means something. It means I'll stick by you. I'll always be honest with you, even when you may not want to hear it. If you ask, I'll be there in a heartbeat to help you in any way I can. But I'll let you try to work things out for yourself before I butt in. If you want advice, I'll give what I can. I'm amazed by you as a person. You are unique, gifted, and wonderful. Even when you're having a bad day, I don't want to turn away from you - I want to lift you up. Even more amazing is that you also choose to be friends with me. Even when I'm annoying or irritable, you tolerate me. I know that you'd help me if I needed it and you were able, and I respect that enough to not take advantage unless I really need it. You are fun, funny, smart, and really a good person. You deserve happiness, and I really, really, really, really hope your life is filled with it, whether I am there to observe it or not. When you're having a bad day, and you need a boost, look here and re-read this blog post. I really did write it with you in mind. Hopefully, you will be reminded that you are important, and a significant part of my world. You are my friend.

Waiting for a house

2008-06-30T17:41:00.003-06:00

So, here's the thing, we were originally supposed to close today, but now we don't know when that will happen.

There is mold in the attic of the house, and the seller is/was supposed to get it removed, cleaned, etc. Well, she got several estimates, and determined that she could not afford to pay for the work herself, so she called her insurance company to see if they would take it as a claim. She gave them the quotes, and they went out to look at it on Saturday. If they accept, we can close and move ahead. If not, she can't afford to close and get it fixed, so she will have to do a short sale, and we will basically have to go through the whole process of negotiating and buying with the bank, which could take another 30-60 days. ARGH!

This could work in our favor, because we could potentially pay less for the house, but we still have to wait up to 2 more months before we can have it, and then get the mold problem taken care of before we move in. Fortunately, we still have the lease on our apartment for 3 more months, so we won't be homeless. Unfortunately for Tony, he will have to live above his sister's garage.

Magic Music Shuffle Revisited

2008-06-21T08:36:00.002-06:00

I did this a while back, and thought I'd try it again, just to see. Here's how it works: You put your music player (iTunes) on shuffle, and the songs are supposed to answer questions about your life. Sort of like a Magic 8 Ball. My results are as follows:

1. Will I get far in life?
Once in a Lifetime - Talking Heads
So do I only get one shot at getting far?

2. How do my friends really see me?
Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm Mmmm - Crash Test Dummies
The song name seems to indicate that I am tasty, but the lyrics could indicate that I am a misfit.

3. What is the story of my life?
Get Back - The Beatles
Well, I did sort of get back to Indiana, where I once belonged.

4. What was high school like?
Sunshine - Billy Miles
HA! High school was like sunshine? I think not.

5. How can I get ahead in life?
Hey Ya! - Outkast
So I should shake it like a Polaroid picture?

6. What is the best thing about me?
I Love the Way You Do That - Lonestar
'Nuff said. ;)

7. How is today going to be?
Sun King - The Beatles
Well it is sunny outside right now. Maybe I should go outside and work on my tan.

8. What's in store for the weekend?
Juke Box Hero - Foreigner
So should I go to a concert, buy a guitar, or just put some money in a jukebox?

9. What song describes my parents?
America - Neil Diamond
Well, they are American.

10. How is my life going?
Standing in the Shower...Thinking - Jane's Addiction
So my life is apparently in stasis.

11. What song will they play at my funeral?
Hearts & Minds - Nitzer Ebb
That would be interesting...
"You, I saw you/Could it be heart?/Could it be bone?/This body rapture/You're wrapped up tight/Your empty words/Your empty soul/You're you/I saw you/You with your heart/You with your mind/Hearts and minds/Never again/No never again/Bodies wrapped up tight /Is it tight enough for you?/Heart and bone/This could be it/This could be you/Your body jerks/Your body shakes"

12. How does the world see me?
I Think I'm Paranoid - Garbage
I do tend to overthink things, but I wouldn't say I'm paranoid.

13. Will I have a happy life?
Bullets - Bob Schneider
Hmmm. " If you got the bullets I got the time/You bring the bullets I'll bring the wine/You bring your bullets I'll bring my bat/I can tell you where it is but I can't tell you where it's at" doesn't really answer the question, unless I'm going to die of a gunshot wound.

14. Do people secretly lust after me?
The Loco Gringos Like a Party - The Reverend Horton Heat
I guess I'll take that as a yes.

15. What should I do with my life?
I Walk the Line - Johnny Cash
A reference to Paul Klee's comment that art is "taking a line for a walk"? Or will I spend my life treading a fine line between two contradictory options?

16. What is some good advice?
I Need You Tonight - INXS
"What you gonna do?/Gonna live my life." Sounds good to me.

17. What is my signature dancing song?
The Caterpillar (Flicker Mix) - The Cure
I don't think I've ever danced to it, but it does have a nifty rhythm to it.

18. What is my current theme song?
Hey You - Pink Floyd
"And the worms ate into his brain." I hate it when that happens.

19. What does everyone else think my theme song is?
You Don't Know How it Feels - Tom Petty
Well, no one really knows how it feels to be anyone else. You can try to see things from someone else's perspective, but you're always biased by your own life experiences. I don't think it's exactly a good theme song for me, but I do like it.

20. What type of men (or women) do I like?
Doin' Time - Sublime
Well, I don't think I have a preference for inmates, but I've never really thought about it. And it is summertime. If I skipped to the next song, it would have been SexyBack by Justin Timberlake, which is probably more accurate!

Well, this has been fun. If any of you want to revisit this exercise yourselves, I would be amused to read your results as well.

Tony's coming!

2008-06-16T15:41:00.002-06:00

For those of you who don't know (both of you), Matt has a brother in TX named Tony. Everyone else has moved away, but he still lives there, miserable and alone. He and his long-time girlfriend broke up but stayed living together for financial reasons, and the whole family has been trying to get him to move closer to one of us for a long time. His parents live in East Texas, and everyone else lives up in Indiana. His sister has a separate guest suite at her house where he could be totally independent, and his parents have a whole cabin on their property where again, he could be totally independent. He's been complaining for months (if not years at this point) about his shitty situation, but dragging his feet about getting out of it. Well, he finally moved out and got his own place, but he was tazed and mugged while moving in. I think that did it. Now he has finally reached a turning point, and is ready to take advantage of the generosity his family has been trying to force down his throat. The best part is that he's not moving to his sister's or his parents - he's taking our apartment.

How's this for a sweet deal! We close on our house at the end of June, but it's actually cheaper for us to pay rent through the end of our lease than to pay the fees and penalties for terminating early. So, for the months of July, August and September, our apartment would be sitting empty, but now Tony can stay here. And since we already planned for paying rent those three months, Tony can take a little time finding a job and not have to worry about making rent right away. And he will have total and complete personal privacy, since he will be miles from any of us, but still close enough that we're handy if he needs help.

Third Grade, 1984-1985

2008-06-13T00:23:00.002-06:00

I really don't remember as much from third grade. Sure, there is a general idea of what I learned, but not much for good stories. Mostly, I remember what I think of as "the math incident."

My teacher's name was Mrs. Sweeney. I liked her a lot. I just didn't like math. So, when she put math problems up on the overhead projector, all the other kids got to work and filled their pages with neat columns of numbers with happy little answers underneath that line at the bottom. After I answered the first few, I thought something along the lines of, "OK, I got it. I don't see why I have to do this 25 more times just to prove I know how to do it." So I dawdled, and pretty much just waited for my friends to finish so I could talk to them. This always made me the last one to finish, or I wouldn't finish at all. One day, Mrs. Sweeney took me aside and asked, "Are we going too fast for you?" I thought, here's my chance! If I tell her yes, she'll give us more time to do the problems, and I won't feel bad about taking so long to finish. So I said, "Yes."

And they moved me to the stupid kids' math class. I was mortified.

Everybody knew that the stupid kids were in Ms. Bailey's math class. All my friends were in the smart kids' math class. I was smart enough to be in there, I just didn't like it. What if I still made bad grades in the stupid kids' class?! I would forever be branded as a math idiot. We used to talk about Ms. Bailey's class, because we could hear them from the next room. They were always loud, laughing and carrying on. They weren't well-behaved, obedient kids. They were rowdy. I didn't belong with those kinds of troublemakers.

As it turned out, Ms. Bailey's class was great. Sure, I didn't have my friends in there, but that meant I didn't have the distraction, either. With few people I was willing to talk to, I didn't have anything better to do than my homework. And I was the smartest kid in the class. The assignments were easy, and in class, we did lots of fun stuff to help us learn. That's what the noise level was all about - playing math games and calling out answers rather than standing at the chalkboard with 30 kids staring at you. Way better than rote memorization and pages full of sterile problems.

House stuff

2008-06-07T20:58:00.003-06:00

Okay, here's a little more detail on all the house stuff...

Our house in Arvada finally sold at the end of May, and that's when we started seriously looking here. Matt has been looking for a house here since we still lived in Colorado and knew we were moving to Indiana, but I wouldn't let him talk to me about it much because I would either get frustrated because we really couldn't buy, or I was afraid I'd fall in love with a house he found and it would sell before we had a chance to try for it.

Well, the house we are buying happens to be the first house we looked at, but we DID look at other houses in between that one and actually making an offer on it. We negotiated back and forth a couple of times, and the seller didn't want to budge much (had already dropped the price a lot before our initial offer). They also didn't want to include any appliances or concessions at all. We finally agreed on our price and said we would be OK with no appliances or concessions. To our surprise, the owner ended up not only throwing in all the appliances, but is also making a list of other items in the house that they don't necessarily want to move, to see if we are interested in any of it. I don't know everything that will be on it yet, but I know there is an air hockey table in the basement that will be on it! I love air hockey. We just need skeeball, and I may not leave the basement.

We had our inspection on Friday. The attic needs additional ventilation, and the exterior (gutters, downspouts, wood siding) needs some maintenance, but the mechanicals are high-efficiency, and the structure and building materials are in excellent shape.

Other areas we want to update, but not urgently, include new windows, new front door, complete fencing for the back yard, and building a deck out back. There is also some ugly stained carpet upstairs that we want to replace with hardwood to match the hallway, and there is Pergo in the living room and dining room that looks silly because it doesn't match the wood floors upstairs. There is also some landscaping we want to do, but we probably won't tackle that for a while, so we can observe what's already there. Anyway, we're very excited!

Closer to home

2008-06-02T00:33:00.004-06:00

Hey, gang, just thought I'd update you on the homeward trek:

First, I actually have a friend now. The unfortunate thing is that he's single, and I don't have any single female friends to set him up with. OK, well, I do know maybe 4 single women, but they aren't compatible types, or they live in another state. I'm a terrible pimp.

Second, Matt & I have made an offer on a house, and if all goes well, we will close June 30th! It's a 4-bed, 2.5-bath house, 2 stories plus basement, on about .75 acre, wooded. We will actually have to clear a some trees so I can plant some sort of garden, and our future offspring will have somewhere to run and play. I'll keep you posted on the buying/moving process as much as I am able. (You know how reliable that is!)

Don't get used to this

2008-05-19T17:59:00.003-06:00

That's right, I'm blogging again. Hubby's out of town for a bit, and I still don't have my own friends here, so I'm writing to the multitudes that follow my every move via my blog. Both of you. I realized after my post about "home" that I mentioned something else I still really don't have: friends. I've got family, but they're really just borrowed from Matt. Sure, I have friends in Texas, California, and Colorado, but I don't have any here. Actually, I sort of have one, but we can't really hang out or anything because he's my boss and he's single, and rumors hurt people. So, since my other half is away, I have nothing to do and no one to talk to. I can't really call up one of Matt's cousins and say, "Hey, wanna go shoot some pool? I don't know if we'll even get along, and I suck at pool, but I'm bored and desperate for company." I am really close with his sister, but she has three boys and can't get away easily. So, I'm hanging out with my virtual friends, avoiding doing more Econ homework, and considering watching Baseketball again. Doesn't that sound like fun, boys and girls?

Suckonomics and Indianapolis

2008-05-18T20:54:00.003-06:00

Guess what class I'm taking right now at school.... Yup, Economics. And I have an assignment that is due tonight that I haven't done anything with (other than read the directions). It's a 5-point essay on supply/demand, scarcity, and a couple of other econ type terms that I REALLY don't care about, and I'm supposed to write it in relation to gas prices, but I'm writing this instead. I'll make myself write it tomorrow and turn it in late. I'll lose a few points, but I'm riding a 4.0 so far, and I'm willing to sacrifice a bit.

I just got back from a Market weekend working in Indy, doing graphic design stuff for Do it Best hardware store member/owners. Most of the people at work complain about going to Market, that it's boring or whatever. Don't tell anyone, but I had a great time. I LOVE design and helping people, and it was great to meet them face to face, after putting together ads for them over the past several months via a customer service rep who actually does the communicating with them. I really like all the other people I was working with, so even when I wasn't busy, I had a good time hanging out at the booth with them, or walking around the sales floor (where vendors try to get members to buy their product for their stores). I also got to visit with some of the other advertising people that I rarely talk to because they work upstairs from me. I got some little free giveaway stuff, too. Nothing really useful, except the coozies. And after a rough day at the booth, what could be better than an evening full of immense amounts of free food and drinks? I got so stuffed, I think I'm just having an apple the rest of the week. Not for each meal, just one apple divided up for seven days.

Home

2008-05-10T06:39:00.002-06:00

What is "home" to you? Home is where the heart is, there's no place like home, if you lived here you'd be home by now, etc.

Home for me seems to include my husband, my dog, having a regular schedule that preferably includes a job, having friends and/or family I enjoy hanging out with, having a place I can share with others, and a place just for me. I feel like I am ALMOST home here.

In Colorado, I had all of these components. Then last Fall we moved to Indiana, and I felt very homesick and depressed for a long time. Of course, I have always had my husband and my dog, but the rest of my life has been somewhat lacking in the homey elements. I kept up a pretty good face, but wished sometimes we could move back. I half-hoped our house there wouldn't sell so we'd have it to move back into. I also hoped it would sell soon so we could get a house here and put down some roots that would make me more comfortable here.

I do have a regular work schedule. I got a job here after a couple of weeks (what a contrast - in CO I hunted for 3 months and couldn't get a job), but as far as friends go, my coworkers all have lived here forever, and have their own established social networks. And, I can't very well invite people over to our crappy little apartment that's packed full of a house full of stuff.

We moved from a 2,000 sq. ft. house with a basement into a 900 sq. ft. apartment. There's no room here for friends or "arting". I also don't have any space that's just for me. I love my husband and dog, but sometimes I just want to be alone, you know? And I miss my gardens.

Well, very soon I will have somewhere I can put guests, and my very own dirt to play in. Then I think I can call this town "home". Our house in CO is finally under contract, and we close on it at the end of May. We have found a few houses online we want to look at, and our plan for today includes going to the bank and talking about mortgages.

One house we are particularly interested in is on 2 acres, and has a garden shed as well as a pole barn on the lovely partially-wooded property. We would like to make the pole barn a sort of art studio/workshop. And it's not way out in the sticks, either. With a house like this, I think I would feel more at "home". I would have my husband, my dog, my regular work schedule, and I can begin to develop more relationships because I'll have a place to invite the people I care about, and a place where I can be me.

That would be a welcome home.

New Spurt of Online Activity

2008-03-17T18:10:00.002-06:00

So, after several months of only going online for school and occasionally checking e-mail, today I joined Facebook and updated some of my Pandora radio stations. I'm not sure why...I'll probably slack off again here shortly and you won't hear from me for several months again.

What's new? Nothin' much. Living in Fort Wayne is different but the same as everywhere else. It's snowier in the winter, and more humid in the summer. The people are mostly more set in their ways, and there is a huge dependence on cars (we are fairly close to Detroit, after all). The soil is better, but I don't have a yard yet. The payscale is a bit higher and the cost of living is lower. The people are more religious, but not evangelical to the extent they were in Texas, and more tolerant of each other. Most of the people I've talked to about it believe that global warming is a naturally occurring phenomenon, and we might be accelerating it a bit, but it's not a major concern to them (they don't see any of the effects here). Matt's working for a company that designs women's handbags, and I design ads for hardware stores. Most of Matt's extended family is here, and we spend Sundays with his sister and our nephews. We only get one channel (Fox) on our TV right now, so we're hooked on Netflix, and I've pretty much filled up my queue.

We finally have two cars again (we sold one when we moved). We've been putting a lot of miles on my car, and not saving anything on fuel or maintenance because we don't work anywhere near each other. The bus system doesn't come close to either of our workplaces or our home, and there is no park-n-ride. So, we finally broke down and got a second car. It's hard to do maintenance on one car when you need to get errands done or work on the weekends. Matt is now the proud owner of a silver 2003 Hyundai Sonata. He really likes it, and it's a great car. And I get my Subaru back. Yea! She's mine, all mine again. Now we need to come up with a name for it (him? her?). My car's name is Sheila, and Matt's old car was Molly. (Past car names have included Percy, Queen Helen, and Bob.)

Our house in Arvada, CO is still for sale (we'll make you a deal if you're interested). We can't wait to sell it, so we can start looking at houses here. We can afford our mortgage there plus apartment rent here, but not two mortgages. I'm dying for a yard to landscape, and a sofa. (We have a sofa, but it is too big for our apartment, so we sit side-by-side on chairs.) We also need a studio where we can paint, sculpt, etc. without worrying about damaging someone else's property. Our dog would also like a back yard so she can go out whenever she wants without a leash and two flights of stairs (we're on the 3rd floor).

Anyway, that's all I have for now. If anything interesting comes up, I'll let you know.

Settling in

2007-10-19T09:45:00.000-06:00

Well, gang, we're finally getting to some sort of regularity around here. Matt has been at his job for three weeks now, and we're finally seeing paychecks. I've been doing school stuff, looking for jobs, and doing stuff around the apartment. The weather has been great, from rainy to sunny, with lots of variety, and temperatures from about 65 to 75, with one unusually hot day up to 90ish. We know where the necessities are around us: gas stations, grocery stores, banks, etc., and family has been tripping over themselves to have us over for dinner (which is nice since it saves us money on groceries).

I just got a new job as of today, and I start on Monday. I'll be a graphic designer for a company called American Color, which is a nationwide company with several branches that sort of contract with companies to do their design. The branch I'll be working for is in New Haven, about 20-30 minutes from our apartment, just outside of Fort Wayne. They're actually housed in the Do It Best http://doitbest.com/main.aspx corporate office, and are contracted to do most of their print ads (especially those flyers in the newspaper). Do It Best is actually a co-op of independent hardware store owners, many of whom don't use Do It Best branding. So, I'll be doing lots of various designs for the "little guy" while enjoying corporate support. They're also looking to take their semi-standardized layouts and make them more creative, so there'll be room to have fun with those blah flyers.

Well, that's it for now...I'll try to keep you posted once I start or have more news.

We're here!

2007-10-02T07:18:00.000-06:00

Whew! We left a week ago today, with everything we own piled into a Penske truck. We stayed overnight that Tuesday night in a Motel 6 (they are pet-friendly) in Des Moines, and headed off into the sunrise Wednesday morning. We waved vaguely toward Sean, Katie, and Abby as we passed Chicago, and arrived in Fort Wayne, Indiana with 30 minutes to spare before the apartment office closed. We signed our paperwork, got our keys, and fell out on the floor of our new home.

Thursday and Friday we unloaded the contents of a three-bedroom, 2,000 sf house into a two-bedroom, 1,000 sf, third-floor apartment. My muscles hated me, and I got bruises in places I didn't even know I had. We had originally planned on having some of Matt's cousins help, but one of them was in Michigan on company business (or so he claims), and another one lucked out and got appendicitis in time to save him from helping us. So it was just Matt and I until his 90-lb. sister showed up.

You should have seen us maneuvering the sofa up the stairs. It was like a ballet. Up the stairs, lift it onto the rail at the landing, crawl underneath to the other side, pick it up again, repeat. Then, we got to the door, and it wouldn't fit. Maybe it would have if the legs came off, but they don't. We tried angling it in all three dimensions, rotating it, and just pushing really hard. No go. So, we repeated the ballet back down the stairs.

Fortunately, Matt's sister has a barn on her property with nothing in it, and a mostly-empty garage, and she's letting us keep stuff there. Matt can work on stuff in her barn like he did in our garage, and there's lots of room to get messy with artwork and so forth. The sofa and other weather-sensitive items are either in the garage or stored in a guest suite she has attached to her house.

The weekend was spent unpacking, sorting, organizing, and wondering where all the bottles of shampoo came from. Yesterday we had our phone line and internet connected (it took the technician from 1:00 p.m. to 8:30 p.m. to install the fiber-optic cables for our internet). So, now I can work on getting a job and logging on for school.

Yesterday was Matt's first day at his new job, and it went really well. He is a Graphic Designer/Production Artist, and he works with another graphic designer like himself, a Senior Art Director, and a Web Designer. They all sound like they have a lot of fun, and produce nice work.

Well, Fort Wayne, here we are, and we look forward to getting to know you better.

Moving Thoughts

2007-09-17T22:51:00.000-06:00

So, here's the skinny: Matt starts his job on October 1st. Of course, that depends on his drug test and his background check coming up clean. I hope that aspirin doesn't show up, or the time he stole his brother's drivers license...no, wait...his brother was the one who took his license. Anyway, we get the truck on Monday the 24th, load all day, and leave here on Tuesday morning. We'll stay overnight probably somewhere in Iowa, and arrive at our new apartment Wednesday. And we have the truck for 6 days, so we can take our time unpacking and settling in. We'll need it, because our new apartment will be on the third floor.

The hardest thing will be cramming 2,000 sq. ft. of stuff into 1,000 sq. ft. of space when we get there. Well, we've whittled that down somewhat. We had a moving sale this past Saturday, and got rid of an extra king-sized bed, our dining table & 6 chairs, three bookcases (Ouch! I'll miss those), a corner desk, two end-tables, a broken drafting table, about 50 houseplants, and miscellaneous other household and hardware items. For some reason, though, we weren't able to get rid of either of our two extra sofas. One is an ugly gold number that lays flat much like a futon, but it's from the 1950s or something, with hinges and other rusty mechanisms on the back. It still works, though, and has a storage box underneath for pillows or blankets or whatever. I can understand why no one would want that one--it's ugly. The other is my awesome blue plaid sofa-sleeper I've had since my first apartment in Fort Worth more than ten years ago (Remember, A?). I still love that couch. It's still comfy, it still looks good, and while I'm sad to lose it, we really have no room for it in our apartment. And our red one goes much better with our decor, so we're not getting rid of that one. What I don't get, though, is how someone will buy a beat-up drafting table for $20, but no one will spend $30 on a sleeper sofa in great condition. Go figure.

Our main thing now is packing. And packing. You don't realize just how much "shuff" you have until you have a big stack of boxes in the garage all marked "FRAGILE," you're out of bubble wrap, and you haven't even gotten to the wine glasses yet. And around here, what isn't shuff is either art supplies that never fit properly in any box, or books. And you can't stack the boxes of books on the boxes of shuff because they're too heavy, but you can't stack the shuff on top because the books will have to go on the truck first. So, you make new stacks and lose floor space, and swear that you'll take the time to go through the shuff and get rid of some when you are finished moving. But you absolutely have to keep the stuff Dad brought back from Japan, and the pottery Grandma gave you, and don't get rid of the colored-glass bottle collection that looks great in a window, and what about the fun drinking glass Mom got in college, and then there's the box of Hard Rock Cafe memorabilia from the different cities and countries you've been to, or the smiley face penny bank just like your sister's, and don't forget the motion-sensitive plastic rooster that crows when anyone walks past....

Second Grade, 1983-1984

2007-09-12T09:38:00.000-06:00

Ah, Second Grade. I had a blue T-shirt with white stripes down the shoulders, and a big glittery iron-on of E.T. on the front. It was sweet. That was the year I decided I wanted to be an artist when I grew up. Mrs. Stricklin read The Mouse and the Motorcycle to us for a few minutes at the end of class every day, and once when she had a treasure hunt in her class, I found a lollipop under her turtle-shaped stepping stool.

I remember thinking through my entire day once, remembering every single thing that happened, and even going back as far as my memory could take me, which seemed to be somewhere around 2 years old. I remember thinking to myself that I could remember everything, with accurate detail, and couldn't imagine that I would ever not be able to do that. How strange it seemed to me that so many grown-ups I knew couldn't remember anything before elementary school.

Sadly, that is all I remember about the Second Grade. If I looked through my yearbook, I might remember more stuff, but that's not the point of this exercise. I'm supposed to see what I can remember just using my own melon.

Announcement

2007-08-28T14:24:00.000-06:00

We interrupt this drivel to bring you an important update...

Matt and I went to Fort Wayne, Indiana, last week to visit family there (Matt's sister, nephews, aunts, uncles, cousins, etc.) and for Matt to have a face-to-face interview with a company called Vera Bradley http://www.verabradley.com/Site/Home.aspx? where he applied for an Art Director position. They are pretty much building their entire art/advertising department from scratch, and have about a dozen positions to fill. They're building new offices, manufacturing facilities, and a house for their creative department to work in. They are hiring about 100 people a year, they are growing so fast. The interview went really well, and when Matt mentioned me, they suggested I send them my information as well. As of an e-mail he received today, they want to bring him on, and it's just a matter of them figuring out the timing. Maybe they'll hire me too, and we can carpool. Who knows?

So, we are preparing to move. That's right: Fort Wayne, here we come! Our timing just depends on Vera Bradley and selling the house (cross your fingers and say a little prayer). I have a break from school during the last week of September, so we plan to use that week to pack me up and move me up there. I will live in a guest suite at Matt's sister's house, and I can get a job while Matt stays here to sell the house. If, however, Vera Bradley wants him up sooner, we'll switch roles, so he'll move up and I'll stay behind.

It's a whirlwind right now. I'm trying to finish my schoolwork weeks ahead of schedule, clean/paint/fix/pack the house, and look for jobs online. I also plan to drive down to Albuquerque to visit my family before moving a thousand miles away from them. And I want to get together with all our friends here before we're gone, but I don't know if we'll have time to organize a party. I'm going to miss everyone here.

I'll keep you all posted as events unfold. Wish us luck!

First Grade, 1982-1983

2007-08-09T15:46:00.001-06:00

Hmmm... Well, unlike Kindergarten, there isn't much I can remember about first grade.

My teacher's name was Mrs. McCoy, and she was OLD, like my grandma. She brought her lunch in a Tupperware lunchbox. It was a dark red-orange color with a translucent lid, and it had these strap things that came over the sides and snapped together on top to form the handle.
There was an albino kid in my class named Edgar. Of course, I didn't know at the time what albinism was. I just thought he had really pale skin and really light blond hair. Some of my friends and I heard him say the "s" word in the library, and I cried when the teacher wanted me to repeat what he said because I knew it was a bad word, and I didn't want to get in trouble too.
I got "licks" for not turning in my homework. I had been absent for the first time in my life, and had no idea there was makeup work I had to do. Then it was paddling day, and all the "bad" kids were called out into the hallway one at a time. Imagine my shock and dismay when my name was called!

Wow, I really don't remember much about first grade. I have a general, vague sensation that I liked it just fine, but that's it.

Kindergarten, 1981-1982

2007-08-06T10:25:00.000-06:00

Here's what I can remember about Kindergarten....

I was in afternoon kindergarten, from noon to 3pm.
We went on a field trip once to see Sesame Street Live, and we were each paired up with a kid from morning kindergarten. My buddy was Michelle Williams, and we talked and giggled so much we got in trouble at the show.
I originally had a teacher named Ms. Potter, but she left after a couple of weeks (I remember we were all playing "Duck, Duck, Goose" when we found out), and we got a new teacher named Mrs. Lisa Pilgrim. I really liked her, and when I was a senior, I tracked her down and invited her to the Honors Awards Ceremony or something like that.
We kept our school supplies (crayons, glue, scissors) in coffee cans that we decorated with our names on them. I remember hating that, because how could you keep them organized in a round, vertical container?
I learned how to hold scissors (those little blunt metal ones that served as "safety" scissors back then) in kindergarten. Previously, I had always used them with my thumb and index finger. Then I learned to use my thumb and middle finger, and reveled in the vastly greater control I had over them.
We had "centers" which were basically little areas in the room that were set up with different activities. When you finished your work, you could choose a center. It was all first come, first served. My favorites were the blocks, this masking tape maze thing you could walk on, and (of course) the paints. If you finished before your friends, you always tried to get the cool center and make the kids you didn't want to play with go somewhere else. And there was a limit of only like 2 or 3 kids per center, so if some jerk wanted to play blocks where I was, and all the other centers I liked had met their quota, I had to stay and play blocks with him/her.
Dana Schultz was my best friend in kindergarten. I got in trouble for "cheating" when I helped her finish tracing her letters once so we could go play at one of the centers.
When you got in trouble, you were supposed to go write your name on the board. I loved writing my name on the board. (I loved writing my name on everything.) I often would stand at the board for a long time, taking my time writing my name very neatly, drawing a big heart around it, and drawing "lace" around the edges of the heart. I also got in trouble for that.
Every time we learned a different letter, we watched a film about that letter. The letter was made into a little character who would see and do things that also started with that letter. I remember the huge anticipation when I knew we were going to be learning the letter "M" because that was my letter. I remember watching the film (all I can remember is the word "macaroni", and that there was a lot of red) in a kind of nervous way, like if the other kids didn't like the "M" film, maybe they wouldn't like me. I also remember a sense of satisfied relief when it was over, because it wasn't bad. Maybe even better than some of the other letters.
I already knew how to read and write when I entered kindergarten, and once when Brandie Rodriguez asked how to "spell M" (meaning how to draw the lines), I thought she was asking if it was I-M or E-M. And I thought it was interesting that a person would need to spell a letter with more than just the letter itself. Wow, I thought, she must really know something I don't.
We were told we could bring our favorite book to class and read it to everyone during story time, so I brought "Bunny Button" (I think that's what it was called.) the next day and read it to everybody. I even remembered to turn the book around and show everyone the pictures. I was the only kid who took up that gauntlet.
Carolyn Seckinger had a red elastic belt with a metal rollerskate-shaped (or was it a rainbow?) belt buckle, and she carried a hairbrush (or was it a comb?) in her back pocket. I thought she was totally cool.
I was always hungry in kindergarten, even though I ate lunch before I went. We got "snacks" which consisted of either about 5 pieces of Honeycomb cereal, or maybe 3 of those pink frosted animal crackers. Just enough sugar to get us wired, but not enough food to satisfy.
We were assigned pals who were in the 6th grade. On Fridays, they would come visit us and we'd get to know each other. At the end of the year, we had a "Teddy Bears' Picnic" where they put on a skit about the Three Bears and we all ate lunch together. They made little hand-made books for us, and my pal gave me a dog made out of peach-colored yarn, too. The dog has since unraveled and been tossed, but I still have the book. It's about a bunny. I really liked bunnies.
There was a door to a little bathroom with a single toilet right there in the classroom. I knew from talking to my older sister that all the other kids had to go together down the hall to a big bathroom. Looking back, I wonder how many "emergencies" were stopped due to the fact that that little toilet was so close.

Anyway, that's the bulk of my Kindergarten memories. I'm sure there are more lurking around in my skull, but these are the ones I skimmed readily off the top. What do you think?

No Job

2007-08-01T15:24:00.000-06:00

Sorry, kids, I have bad news. I didn't get the job at Sterling-Rice Group. They decided to only fill one position, but they want to keep me in the running for freelance. They have been known to hire freelancers, though, so I could still possibly end up there in the future.

In the meantime (every time I hear "meantime" I think of junior high), I still have a smallish freelance gig coming up, and my resume is out and circulating.

School Years

2007-07-27T14:18:00.000-06:00

There's this game I play when I'm on a road trip, driving at night, or when the other passenger(s) is/are sleeping to keep myself awake and entertained. I go through every school year and try to remember my homeroom teacher's name, any other teachers' names, and any other particular memories from that grade.

Starting with my next blog entry, I will be inviting you into the fascinating history of my education, beginning with Kindergarten.

Today, however, I will entertain you with some of my earliest memories before school...

I heard a werewolf once, when I was about 3 or 4. Mom assured me it was just the wind, but I know better.
I operated the phonograph player on the stereo all by myself when I was 2 years old. Freaked my mom out.
I once got lost in the bottom of a sleeping bag and totally freaked out in a claustrophobic way.
My sister used to hide in my closet and steal toys I was just playing with when I turned my back. I thought we has ghosts or aliens in the house.
My sister and I used to run a garden hose between our rooms and talk through it or blow wadded up notes back and forth.
My dad used to play this game in which he'd chase us with the vacuum cleaner. I still don't like to vacuum.
We had a sunken TV room in one of our old houses, and occasionally we'd fill it with wadded up newspapers and play in it, kind of like the ball pit at Chuck E. Cheese's.
I used to watch Sesame Street and the Electric Company every morning at 9:00.
After Saturday morning cartoons, my sister liked to watch Land of the Lost. I was scared of the dinosaurs and the Sleestaks, so she would try to trick me into watching it.
One time my sister sat on a neighbor boy in my defense. (See? She wasn't all bad.)
My dad made our dollhouses for us, and my sister's had a real working elevator.
My mom always made my birthday cakes into special shapes. My favorite one was supposed to look like me, and I ate the smile out of it.
We had a dog that left half-chewed rawhide strips laying around, and I would find them and chew on them, too.

Well, kids, that's it for today. See you next time, when school starts.

Excessive Reading

2007-07-25T12:59:00.000-06:00

Is there such a thing as excessive reading? If so, I'm probably guilty of it. Here's a list of what I've read since June 18th when my company closed and I became jobless:

The Plains of Passage by Jean Auel
several pieces from a collection of works by Lewis Carroll (of Alice in Wonderland fame)
Call of the Wild and White Fang by Jack London
The Secret Language of Symbols by David Fontana, PhD
3 books from the Tales of Alvin Maker series by Orson Scott Card
Harry Potter and the Deathly Hallows by JK Rowling
currently reading Crime and Punishment by Dostoevsky (I'm on the second chapter)

Is this too much to read in 5 weeks?

Waiting to hear

2007-07-24T12:42:00.001-06:00

Friday, July 6th I had a phone interview for a production artist position with Sterling-Rice Group, a well-known agency in Boulder that I REALLY would like to work for. They called me back, and I had a face-to-face interview on Thursday the 12th. Three, actually. One with their Production Director, one with their Studio Manager and some of their production team, and one with the girl from HR that I talked to originally for my phone interview. I learned that they had a couple of positions opening, and were interviewing six people. So, basically a one-in-three chance of getting the job. Then their production director went out of town, and I was told I'd hear back in a couple of weeks. So, two weeks from the 12th will be the day after tomorrow, but I'm not holding my breath because "a couple of weeks" could be full weeks, in which case I might not hear anything until next week. I'm so eager and hopeful, I almost can't stand it. I think I have a really good chance, because I am fully qualified, I think I interviewed well, and they all seemed to like me. But on the flipside, I have no idea how anyone else interviewed. Waiting out last week wasn't so hard, because I had no expectation that I would hear anything then. But this week is harder, because I might hear something.

Things that go "scratch" in the night

2007-07-18T16:41:00.001-06:00

Do any of you believe in ghosts? I think we may have a ghost of a dog in our house.

Incident #1:
Several nights ago, I woke up and clearly heard a dog scratching the carpet downstairs. You know, they way they sometimes do when they're trying to get comfortable and lay down? Shelby rarely scratches like that, but it sounded just like her. When she does scratch, she doesn't do it very long, because she knows she's not supposed to (I've seen dogs totally rip up carpets by doing that, so we taught her not to). So, I heard the scratching and decided to forget about it, because I knew she'd stop. Sure enough, four scratches and then nothing. I closed my eyes to go back to sleep. After a few seconds, however, I heard it again. Thinking that was strange for her to keep scratching like that, I sat up to go downstairs and see if she was OK. Funny thing, though...Shelby was asleep on the floor next to my side of the bed.

Incident #2:
We don't have A/C in our house, so sometimes Shelby will sleep downstairs in the living room or in the basement if she's hot (she has thick fur). Last night, we left her in the basement when we went upstairs to go to bed. As I was falling asleep, I heard what sounded like Shelby scratching to be let out the back door. I got up and went downstairs, and she wasn't there. I thought I must have heard the wind blowing something around on the back porch, because there was an open window next to the back door. I turned on the porch light, and didn't see anything moving. There really isn't much to blow around back there, and nothing I could think of that would sound like a dog scratching. Oh, well, I went back up to bed. After lying there a few minutes, I heard it again, louder. Again, I went downstairs, thinking this time it really must be the dog wanting out, because that's exactly what it sounded like. I looked by the back door, and she wasn't there. Hmm, maybe I took too long, and she has gone to lie down in the living room. Nope, not there. I went down in the basement, and she was sound asleep on the couch still. I even startled her awake. After that, I didn't hear anything else.

So what do you think? We did have a dog that we had to put down in February, but none of this sounded specifically like his scratching noises, and that was obviously quite a while back. Why would they start now? And they sounded like a smaller dog, closer to Shelby's size. I am not even bothered by the idea that this might be a ghost or something—I just want it to stop keeping me awake!

Magic Music Shuffle

2007-07-17T12:45:00.000-06:00

This one's pretty fun. I yoinked it from Mike, who got it from a friend of his, and so on. I probably should have cheated on some of these, though. I mean, "Pleasure, Little Treasure" to describe my parents? Ew. Anyway, this is one I think you should try and pass along to your other blogging friends.

MUSIC SHUFFLE SURVEY:

Put your music player on shuffle.
Press forward for each question.
Use the song title as the answer to the question.
---

Will I get far in life?:
We're Not Going to Make It (Presidents of the United States of America)

How do my friends see me?:
I Just Called to Say I Love You (Stevie Wonder)

What is the story of my life?:
Three Days, Four Nights (Castanets)

What was high school like?:
Everybody's Fool (Evanescence)

How can I get ahead in life?:
Rock and Roll Music (Beatles)

What is the best thing about me?:
Join in the Chant (Nitzer Ebb)

How is today going to be?:
Briefly (Better Than Ezra)

What is in store for this weekend?:
Rock This Town (Stray Cats)

What song describes my parents?:
Pleasure, Little Treasure (Depeche Mode)

How is my life going?:
People Like Frank (Amon Tobin)

What song will they play at my funeral?:
Afro (Erykah Badu)

How does the world see me?:
Enter Sandman (Metallica)

Will I have a happy life?:
Another Day (Monkey Majik)

What do my friends really think of me?:
Mister Love (Toadies)

Do people secretly lust after me?:
Ya Gotta Try (Buddy Rich)

What should I do with my life?:
Jam On It (Newcleus)

What is some good advice?:
Built for the Future (The Fixx)

What is my signature dancing song?:
Cryin' (Aerosmith)

What do I think my current theme song is?:
Finding Me (Vertical Horizon)

What does everyone else think my current theme song is?:
Mama Told Me Not to Come (Three Dog Night)

What type of men/women do you like?:
Buddy Holly (Weezer)

Tag, I'm it!

2007-06-29T16:09:00.000-06:00

Okay, so Heather tagged me.

Rules:

1. I have to post these rules before I give you the facts.
2. Each player starts with eight random facts/habits about themselves.
3. People who are tagged need to write their own blog about their eight things and post these rules.
4. At the end of your blog, you need to choose eight people to get tagged and list their names.
5. Don’t forget to leave them a comment telling them they’re tagged, and to read your blog.

My Random Facts:

1. I have blond eyelashes. I think that's one of the reasons my eyes look small. When I wear eyeliner and/or mascara, you can really see a difference.

2. I pride myself on producing very little garbage. We reuse breadbags for doggy-doo pickup when we go on walks. We have a big compost bin in the backyard for food waste, weeds, grass clippings, leaves, and shredded paper. Old clothes we donate to Goodwill (except for socks and underwear that become rags until they are too ratty to use, and then they become compost). And we have curbside recycling pickup. We might have a full trashcan at the curb every week or two. Today the retired lady who lives alone across the street had NINE full bags of trash. What could she possibly be throwing away?

3. After years of drinking coffee with lots of cream and sugar, I just discovered about 2 weeks ago that I like coffee with just cream and no sugar, too.

4. We make our own dogfood. We have for years. I have a book that gives recipes for dogs and cats ("Natural Health..." by Dr. Pitcairn). A big pot of rice, a pound of meat, some veggies (we usually rotate or mix carrots, broccoli, pureed celery, parsley, and/or spinach), an egg or two, a tablespoon or so of oil, will last us a week with our 50 lb. Australian Shepherd mix. She loves it.

5. I try to do something silly every day. Yesterday it was cartwheels in the backyard. Today I practiced yodeling. I need more practice. Or more wine.

6. Whenever I get groceries by myself, I always try to get something special for my husband. This time it was baked beans. I don't like them much, but Matt does. When he goes shopping, he won't get them for himself because he knows I won't eat them.

7. I love things that are supposed to reveal something about yourself. Personality tests, horoscopes, goofy "which science fiction character are you" quizzes, numerology, etc. I don't really believe it all, I just like to see what they say.

8. I think I should learn French. I took German and Spanish, and did well in both. But twice I have had random strangers come up to me and ask me if I was French. Once in a grocery store, and once at work. The guy in the grocery store could have been trying to pick me up, but the little old lady probably was not. Unlike other foreign-language movies, French-language movies seem to make sense to me, and I can watch them without subtitles and understand the dialogue fairly well, even though I never took a class.

My Victims:

Heather already tagged most of the people I know of who blog, so it's up to you, Mike!

Playing Ketchup

2007-06-29T15:32:00.000-06:00

Okay, kids, here's the story.

I believe you last heard from me about 6 months ago when I was starting an online course to finish my bachelor's degree. I'm doing it, loving it, and have a 4.0. In every class so far, there have been just a few of us who really put forth our best efforts, and we push each other on every assignment. We smoke the other kids. I mean, I almost feel sorry for them. Almost.

As most of you know, I've worked at the same printing company for several years. I started out as a graphic designer, and about 3-4 years ago was promoted to Graphic Design Department Manager. Well, a few months ago, the Production Manager was let go, and I was offered the job. I didn't want it. The Production Manager runs the shop. The whole shop. No graphic design skills whatsoever are necessary in order to do the job. It's mostly putting together estimates, scheduling jobs, invoicing, ordering supplies, following jobs through the shop, making sure employees know what they're supposed to be doing, and solving printing problems. Not my idea of fun, but if I didn't take it, the owner would have to do it, and I truly didn't think he could do it. He's not organized, and worries too much without actually doing anything. Nothing would get accomplished. So, in order to keep the company alive, I stepped up. It was crazy. The previous Production Manager didn't do half the stuff he was supposed to, and I ended up helping with the graphic design stuff anyway. So, I was basically taking on a job and a half, sometimes not leaving work until after 7 pm. And now I don't know why I bothered.

On June 18, the owner declared bankruptcy and closed the place down. Apparently, he wasn't paying his personal bills because he wasn't giving himself a paycheck. He wasn't giving himself a paycheck because there was no money in the company account. Therefore, he also wasn't paying company bills. I knew we had a bad year, but I had no idea it was that bad. I was asked to stick around until June 22 in order to inform our clients, finish up whatever needed to be done in order to get the last invoices paid (as much as possible), and sell off the equipment.

Most of the stuff went to another print shop in the area that wanted to hire me to do much the same sort of estimating and so forth that I disenjoyed before. I politely told the owner of this other shop that it wasn't my cup of tea (and I don't even like tea), that I was looking for something more design-related, and that I had had enough of print shops. He told me to think about it. I thought about it. I told him it just didn't sound like something I wanted to do. He told me to stop by on Wednesday and see the shop. I saw it. I told him I really don't think I would enjoy it, and was really looking for something I could grow with. He told me to talk it over with my husband and let him know. Good grief! Do I have to be rude?

Anyway, so now I'm jobless. And I'm strangely comfortable with that for the moment. I have a few side projects I'm working on that will bring in a bit of cash, and I had a phone interview this morning with an advertising agency in Boulder that has a great reputation. I also have resumes out to several other companies that currently have openings for Production Artists that I am fully qualified for. School is out for a couple of weeks right now, so I have lots of time to hone my resume, polish my portfolio, and hunt for my next job. I think I'll have little trouble finding one that will get me closer to where I want to be. And in the meantime, I'm having a great time working in the yard, painting, cooking, and hanging out with my dog.

Are Jabba the Hut and Grimace related?

Bak 2 skewl

2007-01-24T14:23:00.000-07:00

You guessed it - I'm going back to school. Here's how it happened:

As a graphic designer, I subscribe to e-mail newsletters about new fonts, designs, up-and-comers, etc. an ad on one of these e-mails was for the Art Institute Online. I was incredulous, disgusted, and more than a little pissed off. I mean, I have an associate's degree from the Art Institute in Dallas, and I know what I had to do to earn it: standing in front of easels with pastel dust all over me and slaving over projects with rubber cement and an x-acto knife until the fumes (or the intense staring) gave me headaches. I earned that degree.

How could some kid straight out of high school who wants to be a designer possibly learn the skills I had to master to become the greatness that I am today? I mean, anyone can learn the software, but software is a tool. You have to learn how to see, how to think onto paper, and have someone there to look over your shoulder and say, "You've drawn the eyes too high on his forehead. They should be about here," and actually point to your piece of paper.

I knew what I was doing, because I had that kind of training. My "in-person" associate's degree would be more valuable than an online bachelor's degree, I was sure of it. And AI Online graduates would sully the AI reputation for real graduates like myself. Now if a person already had some of those classes under his/her belt and knew how to design, then I could see taking the online courses to get the actual bachelor's degree.

Wait a minute, I just described myself.

So, I checked into it. And now I'm doing it.

It's really condensed (each course is 5.5 weeks long), but I'm going half-time (only one course at a time - full-time is 2 at a time), so I am able to keep up. So far I've only had one class, and it's been a sort of "how to learn when taking courses online" type thing. It's a little tedious, but time-consuming because you have to submit so many assignments for review and discussion, and have to post at least 6 substantial comments a week (for this class - other classes may require more). So far, so good.

And while I can't speak for other students who may not have my exerience or educational background, I will benefit from adding new tricks to by bag and a new degree to my resume.

Crappy New Year

2007-01-02T14:05:00.000-07:00

Last Friday, one of our dogs (Pilot, the German Shepherd) wouldn't eat. We took him to the vet, and they said it could be diabetes or kidney failure, but the blood test results would give more info, and to bring him back if he didn't eat the next day. I made him some homemade food with pureed chicken, rice, and vegetables (I call it "sick dog soup"). He ate it all up on Saturday, but on Sunday he wouldn't eat again. We took him back to the vet, and they went over his blood test results with us. It wasn't kidney problems or diabetes, but he had a high amount of calcium in his blood, which is a strong indicator of cancer. So they did X-rays, and it's very advanced.

The X-rays showed two masses, one in the liver, and one in his lymphatic system in his abdomen. They are huge, and they have pushed his stomach and intestines way out of their natural position. The vet estimates that he has about a week left, give or take. They gave us some meds to make him a little more comfortable and maybe get him to eat some, but there isn't anything we can do. He is eating his homemade food again, but he is constantly uncomfortable, groaning and whining, and getting up and laying back down. Last night he got up, sat down in front of me, and pawed at my leg as if to say, "help me." We will have to put him down tomorrow or the next day, more than likely.

I am absolutely heartbroken. I understand that putting him down is best for him, and there's nothing we can do. I am not even that sad about not having him around, because he is 10 years old, and we knew his passing would have to come along fairly soon anyway. What bothers me is that he is so uncomfortable, and there's nothing I can do. That, and the fact that if I had had his blood tested annually as the vet recommended a few years ago (nah, we don't need that - he's so healthy) we could have caught this sooner, and had more time to fight it while he was younger and stronger, or at least had more time to say goodbye, instead of having it surprise us in the middle of the holiday season. We can't even take him for a nice last walk, because we've had two really bad snow storms/blizzards, and the paths are snowed over and frozen.

I'm sorry, Pilot. I love you and I'll miss you.

Playing Hip Hop Mad Libs

2006-12-05T14:20:00.000-07:00

I always loved Mad Libs as a kid. If you are unfamiliar with Mad Libs, they were booklets in which you ou picked random words based on their parts of speech and then plugged them into stories which had blanks for the words you picked. When read back, the substituted words often made for hilarious fun.

As you may know, I have been taking hip hop dance classes for a year now. Much of the music put out by hip hop artists has to be edited for mainstream listeners. So often, I hear lyrics that seem to make as much sense as this:

"When I was a kid, I _________ with my _________ _________ and took my _________ to the _________ where I _________ for a _________ of _________ until the _________ came and _________ with my ________."

So I thought it would be a great idea to randomly insert words into some "foul" lyrics and see what came up. And of course, this doesn't only apply to hip hop. Check out this new and improved Kid Rock song:

I'm not the trash you think I am talking trailor park
Come to my mansion _apple_ and watch me stick it after dark
I'll take you higher, higher
I'll take you lower, slower
I'll make you talk that talk and walk that walk _drawer_

I'll _dance_ u blind _stapler_
I'll _run_ u blind _sandwich_
I'll _smile_ u blind till you just can't see no more
I see you checkin out my car and my residence
You're _North Pole_ bound and I see you're gettin whiskey bent
I been around and I know what you meant
You don't wanna _tickle_ me you wanna _sing_ some dead president

I'm super fly _clothespin_
I'm not that guy _car_
I'll _laugh_ you blind leave you face down in the ditch
Thought you'd get rich straight _talking_ with the player
I'm the pimp of the nation yeah the _ surveyor hey

I like that long hair swingin in them Calvin Klines
I pull them young, start _typing_ with their virgin minds
I give a _cat_ about your poppa or your mother
I'll walk up on your _ankle_ and _hug_ your brother say....

Or a few lines out of Everclear's "What It's Like":

Mary got pregnant from a kid named Tom who said he was in love
He said, "Don't worry about a thing, baby doll
I'm the man you've been dreaming of."
But 3 months later he say he won't date her or return her calls
And she swears, "_Santa_ _fly_, If find that man I'm cuttin' off his _ears_."
then she heads for the clinic and
she gets some static walking through the door
They call her a killer, and they call her a sinner
and they call her a _mechanic_
God forbid you ever had to walk a mile in her shoes
'cause then you really might know what it's like to have to choose

I knew this kid named Max
He used to get fat stacks out on the corner with _trees_
He liked to hang out late
get _glue_-faced and keep the pace with thugs
Until late one night there was a big _shoe_ fight and Max lost his head
He pulled out his chrome _keyboard_, talked some _vitamins_, and wound up dead
Now his wife and his kids are caught in the midst of all of this pain
You know it crumbles that way
at least that's what they say when you play the game
God forbid you ever had to wake up to hear the news
'Cause then you really might know what it's like to have to lose

So that's what I've been doing with edited lyrics and I must say, it's quite entertaining.

Typing in Chinese

2006-11-30T14:30:00.000-07:00

I have a client who needs his name (and his brother's) in Chinese on his (and his brother's) business cards. I have the fonts, but since I don't know Chinese and can't read it, I don't know what to type to get the characters to come out right. He told me what to type in, but when I type it in, I don't get the same symbols as that he drew out for me. I'm a little frustrated, but once I figure it out, I'll be a Chinese-typing fool.

What's new with me

2006-11-30T14:12:00.000-07:00

Hi, kids! I know I haven't blogged in a while, and I'm sure you're at a loss for reading material because of it. Well, I don't have a lot of interesting things to say (actually I probably do, but not the time to type them out), but here are a few things to keep you somewhat up-to-date:

1. I'm going to finish my bachelor's degree (in Graphic Design) online, beginning in January. I already have my Associate's so it shouldn't be too long, but I'm also only taking a part-time schedule so it might take a while after all. I'll probably never finish my English degree, though. I just don't think I have it in me to write like that anymore. Creative writing, sure, but not essays and analyses.

2. The company I work for is soon to be changing ownership. Mr. Current Boss is buying the company from Mr. Previous Boss but has yet to finish the payoff. This transaction must be finished by the end of the year, and it looks like Mr. Current isn't going to have the funds to pay off the balloon he owes to Mr. Previous so Mr. Previous may be taking back over (he hasn't been active in the workings of the company for at least 3 years). Or, Mr. Other Investor may step in and save the day. Mr. Current has offered joint ownership to myself and another employee, but neither of us can come up with the funds to help pay off the balloon, much less invest in a substantial percentage of the company. It sure would be nice, though, if I could.

3. Matt and I want to start having kids, but stress and uncertain financial future have me a bit freaked out about it. We have also been trying (unsuccessfully, obviously) off and on for a year or so. We're going to make a stronger effort in the coming months, though, so send us your good vibes, pray for us, and keep us in your thoughts. I'll let you know as soon as we have any news.

Mooning

2006-11-09T15:03:00.000-07:00

The moon was beautiful this morning. Translucent white, disguising itself among equally translucent clouds, observing us earthlings as we commenced our own rising and shining. I watched it glide in between, under, and behind the clouds who were busy going about their own business as I was meandering my way to work this morning. I wanted to stop the car and just watch for a while. I wonder if anyone else saw the moon the same way I did.

Have You Seen my Hemingway?

2006-10-23T14:36:00.000-06:00

I'm missing some books. There's probably a box full of them somewhere, and I have no idea where. Matt finally finished the basement bookcase last week, so I lugged several boxes of books down two flights of stairs from the upstairs closet to the basement, where I proceeded to install them in a generally organized manner. But wait, where are my Tolkien books? And here's A Farewell to Arms, but where is The Sun Also Rises and In Our Time? And the Bronte sisters are apparently lost as well. It's scary to not know where these particular books are, but what's scarier is that there are certainly other books missing along with these, and I don't even know which ones they are.

An Emotional/Musical Chain Letter

2006-10-17T15:03:00.000-06:00

Okay, so I was tagged to express the songs that touch me, especially the ones that make me cry. I have been pondering this for days, now, and I hope this doesn't make me seem too callous, but I can only think of one. However, this song gets me every time.

It hails from the musical "Fiddler on the Roof" and it is sung by Tevya's daughter as she sits with her father, waiting to board a train. Her love has been arrested for speaking his mind, and was shipped off to Siberia. She goes to join him and become his wife there. She is leaving behind everything she has ever known or loved, and she sings this to her father before leaving:

Far From The Home I Love
How can I hope to make you understand
Why I do what I do,
Why I must travel to a distant land,
Far from the home I love?
Once I was happily content to be
As I was, where I was,
Close to the people who are close to me,
Here in the home I love.
Who could see that a man could come
Who would change the shape of his dreams?
Helpless now I stand with him,
Watching older dreams grow dim.
Oh, what a melancholy choice this is,
Wanting home, wanting him,
Closing my heart to ev'ry hope but his,
Leaving the home I love,
There where my heart has settled long ago
I must go, I must go, I must go,
Who could imagine I'd be wand'ring so
Far from the home I love?
Yet there with my love, I'm home.

It very much speaks to me of loving someone so much, you are willing to leave everything you know and be with him, wherever he may be, and whatever you may have to endure together.

I've done my little part to keep this meme alive. Now I challenge my readers (both of you) to search your minds and see if you can do better than I have done.

Coleslaw Invasion

2006-09-18T14:32:00.000-06:00

Why does it seem that every restaurant now serves a side of coleslaw?

My enchiladas that I had Saturday came with a scoop of coleslaw on the side. So did my burger today.

Is it a weird Colorado thing? I don't remember so much slaw in Texas. Is this a new phenomenon that's sweping the nation, or just a local anomaly? Do that many people actually eat it? Do they think putting carrot bits in it makes it more appetizing? How much of our government's subsidies are going to cabbage farms that are over-producing a crop that nobody really eats? How much landfill space is occupied by uneaten coleslaw? Is it seeping into our drinking water? Are cabbage farmers trying to take over the world?

Catching up

2006-09-12T14:03:00.000-06:00

Wow, has it been that long? Let me give you a bit of an update.

Remember that graphic designer I was hiring and training? After a week and a half, he put in his two-week notice. He was offered a job in Vail that included free ski passes. So, I spend the next week or so trying to find things he can do to help out with, but that don't require any more training than I've already given him. so, I had him make copies. Lots of copies. About 7,000 as a matter of fact.

We actually re-hired a previous employee who was perfect for the bindery position, so I didn't have to wrestle with that after all. Whew!

But then I had to hire a new new graphic designer. I called a few people who had sent me their resumes too late to consider during the first round of graphice designer hiring, but there were come promising candidates there, as well as one girl I had liked the first time, but who didn't interview quite as well as the ski-guy. I asked her if she was still interested, and she was. I interviewed a few more people on the phone and called in two people for face-to-face interviews, and still ended up hiri9ng the girl I probably should have given the job to the very first time.

Her name is Tiffany, and she's great. She's organized, catches on quickly, and has some knowledge of the print industry, with good customer service skills and a certain laid-back fearlessness that works well here. She's worked here a little over a week now, and she's already light-years ahead of the ski-guy. Yea!

I can see the light at the end of the tunnel now....

Too Much to Do!

2006-08-24T14:47:00.000-06:00

Here's what's been on my plate the last two weeks (and counting):

• replacing our water heater while my husband was out of town
• helping my sister, my bro-in-law, and their little girl move away
• interviewing and hiring a new graphic designer at work (to replace my bro-in-law who used to work with me)
• training said new graphic designer
• doing the work of nearly two people while training said graphic designer
• reviewing resumes and applications for our bindery/finishing/press operator job posting on Craig's list (I'll probably have to do some of the interviewing, too)
• taking dance classes two nights a week (hip hop)
• attempting to slowly renovate our lawn by hand-weeding and reseeding

Wish me luck!

I said all that to say this....

2006-07-25T14:05:00.000-06:00

Him: Have you seen Ed?

Me: Last I saw him he was in his office. If he's not in there, he may be out back.

Him: Well, I just came in the back way, so if he's not in his office, and he's not in the back, he must be out somewhere. Unless he was on the other side of the fence when I came in the back and I didn't see him, because he sometimes walks around when he's out there. But he could have gone to the bank or the post office or something, I guess. Well, I just came by to see if he had anything he wanted me to deliver today. I didn't call first, like I usually do. I just thought I'd come by and see, just in case. I thought that those forms might be ready to deliver across town or if they weren't all ready yet, there might be some of them done so that I could take over a partial order if he wanted me to. I guess I'll come back later, or give Ed a call here or if he's not back I can try him on his cell phone unless he's at lunch when I call, in which case it can wait until he gets back. I have an electrician coming by my house around eleven, and I won't be able to come back here to pick up any deliveries until after that, so I'll have to find out when Ed wants those forms delivered, if they're ready to deliver, and deliver them later when I get back from the house when the electrician's done. So tell Ed I came by and wanted to know if there was anything to deliver or when those forms would be done so I could deliver them, and I don't know when the electrician will be done, so I don't know when I'll be back by, but he can try me at home or if I'm not home he can try me on my cell phone, but I'll try to call him again, so if I don't come back before eleven, and he doesn't hear from me by later this afternoon, he can just let me know if he has any deliveries for me to make or when that form job will be ready to deliver so I can come back down and get it to deliver it out there.

Me: You want me to just have him call you when he gets back?

Him: Yeah, that'd be great.

Me: Okay, I'll leave him a note.

That's insulting.

2006-07-21T14:45:00.000-06:00

I got these from someone on Tribe.net:

smatchett: small and nasty person
suoid: hog-like
blattoid: resembling a cockroach
microphallic: having an abnormally small penis
lapidable: worthy of being stoned
spraint: otter faeces
smellsmock: a revolting lecher
sophomaniac: someone who's deluded that they are wise
beldam: mean and ugly woman
witling: a person who lacks understanding or intelligence
tomally: green, slimy liver of a lobster
merdivore: an eater of excrement
slubberdegullion: a contemptible slob
shardborn: one who was born or dwells in excrement
hircine: smelling like a goat
fustilugs: an unwieldly or slovenly woman
fussock: a large fat woman
anoiac: idiot

Coffee and Public Rudeness

2006-07-19T09:28:00.000-06:00

I have a love/hate relationship with the coffee shop down the street. I love the people who work there, and I love their coffee (it's hard to find tasty decaf sometimes) and baked goods, but I hate the crowds. And I do mean crowds.

When the World Cup was going on, the place was full of slackjaws taking up space and standing in the way of those of us who were trying to queue up to buy things. Once, I stood in line for several minutes before I realized the people I was standing behind weren't actually waiting to place an order, they were just standing in a row where the line should have been. After several "excuse me" attempts followed by elbows, I reached the counter and placed my order. I then elbowed past more people to the counter where I picked it up, then elbowed back in the other direction (with a full, lidless cup of hot coffee) to get a lid, then elbowed past a few more people on my way out the door.

And now it's the Tour de France, and it's the same bit all over again. Today, there was only one guy in line in front of me (which I discovered after politely asking the slackjaws in my way if they were in line) and no one in line behind me. The guy was paying for his coffee, and a girl runs up to him affectionately and proceeds to cut in line in front of me. Granted, it's crowded in there, and there are people that appear to be in line who aren't, but there are also people (like me) who are in line legitimately. I wasn't even facing the TV, and there was nobody else waiting. Was she just clueless? Would it have been too much for her to wait one minute while I placed my simple order? Or does she make a regular practice of being rude and selfish?

Maybe next time I'll get my coffee at Bookends instead. Chances are that at least I will be less bitter.

Family Reunions

2006-07-17T12:56:00.000-06:00

There are two kinds of family reunions: 1) immediate-extended family including aunts, uncles, first cousins, etc.; 2) "over-extended" family including second cousins, first cousins twice removed, somebody's uncle's cousin's wife's step-son, and "who is that weird guy?"

This weekend I went to one of the second variety. What do you do at one of these things? I mostly just came for the food. I have met some of these family members before, enjoyed talking to some of them, have nothing in common with others, and the polite smile became a headache in 104-degree heat on a concrete slab "pavilion" (read: oven). And next time, whoever brings the drinks should provide more water or sodas and less beer.

I need a more user-friendly interface.

2006-07-14T15:31:00.000-06:00

Is there some way to get Google for my head? You know how it goes: you can see the actor's face, but can't recall his name. Then when someone tells you, you say, "Of course! I knew that."

Or how about a search function? You could type in "sunglasses" and suddenly you recall the last five places (in chronological order) that you put them. Or if you own more than one pair, you might recall where each pair is hiding. You could set your preferences so that your search results come up with your favorite pair at the top of the list.

Someone could write a wardrobe application for me to decide what to wear to work every day. Clothes could be categorized by color, temperature range, and location-appropriateness. You could even program yourself to randomly rotate outfits without losing track of what's unavailable (borrowed, in the laundry, etc.).

And trying to decide what to eat or make for dinner would be a thing of the past. You could scroll through your mind and come up with multiple meal matches based on the ingredients in your fridge/cupboards.

What about that restaurant you've been meaning to try, but when it comes time to go out to eat you forget and just go to your old standby? Never again! When searching your brain for restaurant ideas, that one will be labeled as a priority.

And "undo" - seriously, if someone could make this a reality for people, they would rule the world.

Adventures in Babysitting

2006-06-26T15:00:00.000-06:00

Dana and Alex's anniversary is today, and Matt and I bought them movie passes as a gift. We also offered to babysit whenever they wanted to go use them. We gave them their gift Saturday, so they would have the opportunity to use them this weekend, which they did. (They saw An Inconvenient Truth.)

We watched Nadia while they were gone, and had a blast. Her favorite thing to do is to bounce - she say s "bounce" (which sounds a lot like "butts") and jumps up and down. Endlessly. I have never seen a child sso o entertained by doing pretty much nothing!

She is a year-and-a-half old now, and has recently learned body parts. Elbow is the newest, and we were working on Knee for a little bit while we were there. It's cute when she points out her belly or pats her own backside and says, "bum", but when she pokes you in the eye and sweetly says, "eye", it's hard to decide whether to keep her from poking people in the eye, or to encourage her that yes, indeed, that is your eye. And the nose is another issue. She doesn't put her finger on it, she puts her finger in it.

By far the cutest to me, however, is how she looks for things. When she wants something she had recently been playing with, she doesn't call it by its name. She looks around and says, "Where'd it go?"and if you tell here where it is, she'll go look for it herself. You just have to know what she's talking about.

Work Complaints

2006-06-16T14:26:00.000-06:00

Now that there are only 5 of us, we are all supposed to be picking up slack. Of course, there are those of us who are doing more of it than some others. And it wouldn't be so bad if certain slackers didn't make promises to clients that they don't intend to keep. That puts me in the position of working my ass off trying to keep those promises in order to keep those clients. And today I got a blood blister on the tip of my left middle finger trying not to let down one of our clients, and now it hurts to type. Not to mention the fact that I haven't been getting my lunches until after 2:00 or sometimes closer to 3:00 in the afternoon. Anyway, I don't want to be a Negative Nancy, but sometimes you gotta vent a little, right? I really do love my job, I just wish people didn't make it harder than it has to be.

Eye-rollers

2006-06-01T14:56:00.000-06:00

What's brown and sounds like a bell?
Dung.

Did you hear about the gay dwarf?
He came out of the cupboard.

Why does a chicken coop have two doors?
Because if it had four, it would be a sedan.

Why didn't the skeleton cross the road?
He didn't have the guts.

Three guys walk into a bar.
You'd think the second and third guy would've known better.

A section of rope tied into a knot and unraveling at the ends walks into a bar.
The bartender says, "We don't serve ropes in here. And you are a rope, aren't you?"
To which he replies, "No, I'm a frayed knot."

What do you get when you drop a piano down a mine shaft?
A flat miner.

Random Thoughts IV

2006-05-18T13:57:00.000-06:00

Note to reader(s): I haven't completely abandoned my weak little blog. I normally do my blogging during lunch at work, and since two of the seven employees here have been laid off, I have been a little extra busy, and my lunches are mostly spent getting out of the building for some fresh air and sunshine.

Some thoughts dance through my head; others stomp or trample.

The DaVinci Code is a MOVIE.Harry Potter movies talk about witches, but do Wiccan folks get all up in arms and ask for disclaimers? No. Maybe someone could make a movie about Scientology. I wonder who they could get to star in it....

What is the point of lecturing an entire group of people for 10 minutes every day about a mistake that was made over a year ago by none of them?

Sometimes nothing hits the spot (or leaves a spot) like a sloppy joe.

It's actually painful to me when I have a blinding inspiration and have no way to execute it.

The Stairwell

2006-05-04T14:27:00.000-06:00

Every day, I park in the lower level of the parking garage across the street from where I work. I take the stairs up two levels to reach the street. This parking garage is open to the public, and all kinds of people use the stairs.

Unfortunately, this includes really disgusting people. Like whoever it was who threw up on the inside handrail at the top, where it very nicely splattered all the way down the handrail (and part of the steps) to the bottom. And the person who has felt it necessary to urinate in the corner for the past two days. I would assume the pile of pasta and vegetables that appeared in the corner earlier this week was dropped and not vomited, because it was whole and did not appear to have been previously chewed. It is unfortunate, too, that the doors are self-closing, so the fragrances of urine, vomit, rotting food, body odor, and cigarette smoke are sealed inside.

Makes for a great start to any day.

Wondrous Coffee

2006-04-18T09:58:00.000-06:00

Why can't I think of a single song written about coffee? Oh, sure, there are mentions of coffee and coffee shops in numerous songs, but what about a song solely about that hot, dark, magical beverage so many people love and/or obsess over? Right off the top of my head, I can think of songs about alcohol, tobacco, firearms, sex, drugs, rock & roll, money, love, cars, work, disease, even water. I can't think of a single line of caffeinated verse.

Please consider this an open invitation to either write a line or two, or bring to my attention any versification on the subject that I have heretofore not heard or read. In the meantime, I will attempt to compose a few lines myself and get back to you. I think I'll pour myself a fresh cup of inspiration.

Life is Change

2006-04-12T08:30:00.000-06:00

If everything was always the same, I might start to wonder if I was still alive. As it is, everything seems to be in flux right now, and the future seems a little iffy.

At least 5 families I know and love are relocating all across the U.S. (mostly away from where we are now), and while I can't go into specifics (because there aren't any at this point), Matt and I could be among those moving within the next year. Don't tell my boss, though. It may not happen for a long time, if ever.

Whew! I'm a little tired from the ups and downs of hopeful possibility and anxious disappointment.
But at least I'm alive.

Random Thoughts III

2006-04-10T13:52:00.000-06:00

I don't need the Doobie Brothers to tell me to listen to the music.

I hope I never have to eat a knuckle sandwich with a side order of crybaby soup and wash it all down with a tall glass of shut the hell up.

The strangest word I have had to type lately is "Angoradomatasalata" on a menu for the Mediterranean restaurant across the street. I truly have no idea what it is, except I can probably safely assume it's some kind of salad.

Why would anyone think it's a good idea to put hard candy in a pinata?

"Facilities" is the Greek god of toilets.

Ayurveda Article

2006-03-22T14:28:00.000-07:00

Not much time to compose creatively, but I thought you might enjoy reading this article:

http://living.scotsman.com/index.cfm?id=769332005

On balance, a healthy way to spend time at the spa

GABRIELLE FAGAN

IF it's vaguely Eastern, claims to be therapeutic and has that alternative edge, you can bet there's a celebrity devoted to it.

Yoga? Check: Madonna, Geri Halliwell, Gwyneth Paltrow. Cupping (that's putting hot cups on the back to draw out impurities)? Check: Kate Moss, Kate Winslet, Gwyneth Paltrow.

And then there's ayurveda, a 5000-year old holistic formula which is said to restore balance physically, emotionally and spiritually, as well as slowing down the ageing process. Celebrity fans include Sting, Madonna and Gwyneth again - when does she get time to make movies and have children?

Pronounced ah-yoor-vedha, and translated as the "science of life", the ancient healing system originates from India. Based on the premise that for true happiness there has to be balance, ayurveda aims to treat the whole person - body, mind and spirit - using a combination of herbal medicine, diet, psychology, spirituality and essential oils.

The A-list enthusiasts - who have all reportedly adjusted their dietary plans and beauty regimes - have given a high profile to the complementary healthcare system. Ayurveda is now becoming one of the world's fastest-growing alternative medical treatments.

According to Dr Suraj Dubey, an ayurvedic practitioner and consultant for the Oberoi Hotel group, ayurveda is a complete healthcare system based on the principal belief that prevention is better than cure. "While most healthcare systems focus on the human body and its diseases, ayurveda treats the complete person - mind, body and spirit," he says.

Currently, one in five Britons uses complementary medicine, but because ayurveda is relatively unheard of in comparison with other therapies out there, many people, including celebrities, have become devotees through experiencing the Indian system while at a spa or beauty salon.

Marketing manager Jamie Paxton, of the Capital's One Spa at the Sheraton, which offers a wide range of Espa ayurvedic treatments, agrees. "Many people have never heard of ayurveda before but always ask about it when they're here having something else.

"We've had really good feedback from the treatments."

Paula Perkins, of Espa, the ayurvedic brand which One Spa uses, says: "Cultural echoes of ancient ayurvedic and Eastern healing disciplines and Western practices link together to form truly inspirational treatments and rituals, developed exclusively for the individual.

"These journeys are designed to help nurture and re-balance the body in times of change and stress and may last a whole day or are balanced over the duration of a stay."

So, how do you know if you're body is in need of re-balance?

According to Suraj, the essential ethos behind ayurveda is that people are part of nature and everyone has a unique body type made up of a mixture of five elements - air, space, fire, water and earth - which manifest through three doshas, known as vata (air), pitta (fire) and kapha (earth).

Each person usually has one or two dominant doshas, and these determine body type, character and constitution. Practitioners believe that ill health - both emotional and physical - is due to disturbances in a person's doshas. The cure? Ayurvedic re-balance treatment, consisting of a blend of yoga, meditation, herbal medicine and dietary advice, prescribed by a practitioner.

Once re-balanced, the aim of ayurveda is to prevent further disease before it occurs and promote good health.

Dr Sathiya Moorthy, founder of Ayurvedic Medical Association, says: "Many people today are often disillusioned with conventional treatments which may only treat the symptoms of an illness but leave the underlying cause untouched. A holistic approach, looking at the whole person and focusing on them as an individual rather than just the illness, can be often far more effective."

Additional reporting: Sarah Howden

WHAT DOSHA TYPE ARE YOU?

Vata (Air)

Vatas are said to be creative, active, alert and restless, usually with outgoing personalities. Physically, they are supposed to be small-boned and dry-skinned.

Ailments: Prone to dry skin, flaky scalp and frizzy hair.

Diet: Said to benefit from foods such as stews, creamy curries and porridge, which will help them avoid a mid-afternoon energy low.

Recommendations: Avoid too many stimulants such as alcohol and caffeine, as well as external stimulants like loud music and violent films.

Pitta (Fire)

Pittas are down as being logical, critical and intelligent types, with competitive personalities. Physically they are usually medium build.

Ailments: Sensitive skin, perspiration, spots and odour are common complaints.

Diet: They should avoid processed, fatty, or fried foods and eat more sweet, bitter vegetables such as carrots, and leafy greens.

Recommendations: Overwork or eating too many spicy foods leaves them burnt out - they should take breaks during the day and add massages and meditation to their routine.

Kapha (Earth)

Kaphas are said to be calm, caring, family-minded, stable, and methodical. They're generally heavily built.

Ailments: Open pores and blackheads. Lack of exercise and cold, damp weather leaves them feeling tired and depressed.

Diet: They should eat small meals of low-fat foods, lightly cooked veg and sour fruits.

Recommendations: They can benefit from high impact sports which make them sweat such as aerobics, cycling, running or tennis.

The Big 3-0

2006-03-21T11:35:00.000-07:00

Well, kids, I've reached that milestone of adulthood known as "being thirty". Apparently, this involves both piñatas and singing "Happy Birthday" to yourself in an Elvis voice. (Yes, I have video, and I will see if I can somehow provide access to it for your amusement.) I must tell you that this will go down in history as one of my favorite birthdays EVER. I got an iPod, which was the only thing I wanted, and I got almost all of my friends together for an awesome party. Even my parents came up from Albuquerque to celebrate with me. I wish you all could have come, but such is life. Thanks for your birthday wishes and may your birthdays be as happy as mine!

Busy!

2006-03-16T13:47:00.000-07:00

I've been busier than a one-legged riverdancing Japanese beaver!

Fun with Song Lyrics

2006-03-10T09:36:00.000-07:00

To make your music listening experience more entertaining, try these word substitutionss:

"wombat" instead of "woman" ("I'm every wombat...")
"gravy" instead of "crazy" ("I'm gravy over you...")
"pants" instead of "dance" ('Let's pants")
"mud" or "Doug" instead of "Love" ("I wanna fall in mud..." or "Jungle Doug—he's driving me mad, he's making me gravy...")
"squirrel" instead of "girl" ("Squirrel, you'll be a wombat soon...")
"fling" instead of "sing" and "thong" instead of "song" ("Fling a thong")

Try other variations, substituting words that rhyme with the actual lyrics. Be creative. For example, instead of singing "Goodbye, cruel world", try "Goodbye cruel squirrel" or "Goodbye cruel whirl" (as if Pink Floyd got sick on a carnival ride). The rest of the song takes on a completely new meaning.

Random Thoughts II

2006-03-10T09:00:00.000-07:00

When the roads are icy and I'm skidding into the intersection at a red light and honking my horn, don't flip me off and give me dirty looks—I'm not running the light, I'm warning you for your own safety!

If you say "butter croissant" with a fake French accent it sounds kind of like "butt-hair croissant" which is much less appetizing.

Borborygmus, loquacious, and petrichor are three of my favorite words.

I love almonds, and my favorite way to eat them is soaked. Put about ten raw almonds in a dish of water in the fridge for a day. They plump up in the water, and when you peel the skin off and eat them, they almost pop like grapes in your mouth. Mmmm!

Graphic Design is not for amateurs.

Contrary to some opinions, "salad tongs" does not, in fact, rhyme with everything. Neither does "Grandma."

Drinks always taste better out of a glass container rather than plastic.

Today is brought to you by the letters N and P, and by the number 11.

No matter what I bring for lunch, I always want something else when it's time to eat.

Did you see?

2006-03-08T13:45:00.000-07:00

Did you see the deer?
Eighteen of them brown against the brittle golden grasses of winter, frantically standing still for dear life.

Did you see the ravens?
Powerful black sailcloths strut along the stark roadway, knowledge and inevitability in their eyes.

Did you see the calves?
Tiny bundles in the weeds, curious and humble, seeking guidance from Mother.

Did you see the prairie dogs?
Sqealing at their neighbors near perforated mounds that swallow them up when the predators come.

Did you see the coyotes?
Dusty fur in the pale sunrise, her back to the cold road where he lays waiting for the ravens.

Ayurveda (a brief introduction)

2006-03-07T09:08:00.000-07:00

Disclaimer: I am NOT certified to teach or practice Ayurveda, and I am by no means an authority, but I do know how helpful, useful, and true it is, and I want to do what I can to spread its wisdom to those who don't know about it.

My first advice is this: visit http://ayurveda.com/ (especially the Online Resource) which is the Ayurvedic Institute's official website. The Ayurvedic Institute is located in Albuquerque, NM, and is known as a leader in Ayurvedic schools and spas in the United States. Both of my parents work there in an administrative capacity. My dad has studied Ayurveda for about 15-20 years on his own and more recently at the Ayurvedic Institute.

I have been hesitant to post about Ayurveda because it would be like posting about someone I love: there's no way mere English can express what it's all about, and no way I could do it justice in this space. So, I am going to attempt to do this a piece at a time, in my own meager words, with my own limited understanding.

What is Ayurveda?

"Ayurveda" is a Sanskrit word that literally means something along the lines of "science/knowledge of life/living" and it is a system of health and longevity that has been practiced in India for centuries. Some people try to equate it with Western medical practice, but it is not just "medicine"—it is a holistic approach to life and living that includes the health of body, mind, and spirit. As I said above, it's hard to explain, and people spend their whole lives studying and learning about it.

Quality of Life

When are you healthy? Could you be healthier? Less healthy? What about your state of mind? Are you stressed? Scatter-brained? You could be more "together" or less "together" than you are now. This is always the case. Ayurveda isn't about reaching a specific point, measurement, or statistical norm. It has to do with learning about YOU and what YOU need to improve your life a step at a time in the direction best for YOU and your personal constitution.

The Doshas and your Constitution

We each have a unique constitution that we are born with, called our Prakruti. Our Prakruti is determined during our conception and gestation, and we carry it with us throughout our lives. This constitution is made up of a combination of three doshas (Vata, Pitta, and Kapha) which are in turn made up of what Ayurveda refers to as "elements"—ether (space), air, fire, water, and earth. Although the three doshas combine to make mental and emotional constitutions as well as physical, it may help to think of them as "body types".

At ayurveda.com you can download a PDF file from their online resource called "Discover your Constitution" that will help you to figure out what your personal Prakruti might be. This is not to take the place of an actual Ayurvedic consultation with a certified Ayurvedic practitioner, but it will give you an idea of where to start.

The Vata (pronounced Vah-ta or Wah-ta) dosha is made up of ether (space) and air. It is everything (good and bad) that those elements are (literally and figuratively): light, cold, dry, mobile, clear, erratic, unfocused, etc. It manifests itself in many ways, including (but not limited to): fidgeting, small size, feeling scatter-brained, coarse/curly hair, swiftness, brittleness, crooked teeth, spontaneity, thinness, activity/hyperactivity, roughness, irregular sleep and digestion, fickleness/lack of follow-through, creativity, etc. Within itself, it disperses like air, but is contained by its space.

The Pitta (Pit-ta) dosha is made up of fire and water. It is: light, hot, sharp, liquid, etc. It manifests as: smoothness, fair skin and hair (like redheads), strength, strong convictions, tendency to sweat, inquisitiveness, temper, freckles/moles, inflammation, keen intellect, passion, etc. Within itself, it burns like fire, but is dampened by its water.

The Kapha (Kop-fa) dosha is made up of water and earth. It is: heavy, cold, slow, dense, static/stationary, etc. It manifests as: largeness, big eyes, good memory, oily skin, slowness, thick hair, heaviness, softness, calm/stillness, etc. Within itself, it moves like water, but it is anchored by its earth.

Keeping Score

My Prakruti is approximately 50% Vata, 48% Pitta, and 2% Kapha. That makes me "Vata-Pitta". Your Prakruti might be very predominantly one with very little of the other two (for example, you may be "Kapha"), or more rarely, somewhat equal between the three doshas ("Vata-Pitta-Kapha"). There are no good or bad doshas; they each can have positive and negative effects on you. For more information on the doshas and their respective characteristics, go to http://ayurveda.com/online%20resource/doshas_elements_attributes.htm

While we are naturally born with a particular proportion (our Prakruti) of these three doshas, our current proportions shift all the time, due to our behavior and lifestyle practices. Our current state is called Vikruti. When we are at our healthiest, the doshic proportions of our Vikruti are the same as the proportions of our Prakruti. We must regularly observe ourselves to see what adjustments need to be made in our lives to bring our Vikruti into balance with our Prakruti.

"BALANCE" DOES NOT MEAN EQUAL DOSHAS. Many people have made the mistake of thinking "balance" means that your three doshas should be in equal proportion to each other. It does not. It means that your doshic proportions NOW should equal your doshic proportions in your healthiest natural state. If your Prakruti is "Pitta-Kapha," then your balance is achieved when your Vikruti is also "Pitta-Kapha."

Someone who drinks a lot of caffeinated beverages might find their Vata is aggravated in their Vikruti, causing shaky hands or an inability to concentrate. A person who eats spicy foods may find their Pitta aggravated, causing heartburn or mental irritability. A person who sleeps too much may gain excessive weight, or become apathetic and indifferent, which are signs of too much Kapha.

At Ayurveda.com you can download a PDF file from their online resource called "Discover your Present State" that will help you to figure out what your current proportions are. This is basically the same test that determines your Prakruti, but with an emphasis on how you are now instead of how you are naturally.

Finding Balance/Health

Most imbalances can be addressed through eating or avoiding certain foods that increase or decrease the attributes of a particular dosha, as well as monitoring the types of activities you engage in. See the Food Guidelines and the Daily Routine on the ayurveda.com website for a list of foods that increase or decrease a particular dosha, and a regimen for giving yourself the best opportunity to observe your health each day.

A good general guideline is, "Like increases like, and opposites decrease each other." This applies to both literal and figurative attributes. Terms such as "spacey" really do relate to the "space/ether" of Vata, people with "raging" tempers are often high in Pitta's "raging" fire, and being a "stick in the mud" relates to the water/earth combination of Kapha people.

For practical purposes, seek the attributes you wish to increase and avoid those you wish to decrease in yourself. In other words, if you are feeling angry and irritable, your Pitta dosha may be too high. If this is the case, you should avoid Pitta-related foods, activities, and thoughts. Choose to eat cool, sweet foods; do relaxing, soothing things; think peaceful, restful thoughts. If your Kapha dosha is too high, you may feel lethargic or overweight. If this is the case, you should eat light, pungent or spicy foods; be more active; and stimulate your mind. If your Vata dosha is too high, you may feel "spacy", restless, or weak. If this is the case, you should eat warm, cooked foods; do very little activity or do strengthening activities; and think focused, meditative thoughts.

Whew!

This has been a very long "brief" introduction, and if you have stuck with me, I thank you for your time and patience. I would also like to once again remind you that I am by no means a professional, nor do I know all about the subject of Ayurveda. This is simply meant to introduce you to some of the basic starting points of Ayurveda and perhaps pique your interest in looking into it further. Please visit the Ayurvedic Institute's online resource at http://ayurveda.com/online%20resource/index.html and peruse the information available there.

Gardening

2006-03-06T15:33:00.000-07:00

I LOVE gardening. Seeing the new shoots emerging after their long winter's rest, clearing away dead leaves to invite the sun and fresh air in, even digging out little weed sprouts gives me a deep satisfaction and sense of belonging on/with the earth. The soil returns me to my primeval roots. My mind clears, my heart lightens, and I am. When my hands are grimy, my nails are gone, and my arms are scratched by grasping rose bushes, I am more content than a dog belly-up in a patch of sunshine. I am midwife to gravid tulips, shepherd to flocks of daisies, and realtor to overcrowded peonies. I serve the earth and the life she shares with me.

Lent

2006-03-03T14:13:00.000-07:00

As some of you may know, Lent is the 40-day period between Ash Wednesday and Easter. It is a period of time in which people usually give something up in remembrance and imitation of Christ, who retreated to the wilderness and fasted for a period of 40 days before his death & resurrection. While I am not Catholic or anything (although it's not just Catholics who observe Lent), I find it to be an honorable and spiritual practice, and I take part every year with my husband (whose family is Catholic).

Some people give up swearing for Lent, or eating meat (fish on Fridays), or junk foods. We always try to give up something that we will struggle without. That way it really is a sacrifice, and every time we have to choose to not do something, it is a reminder of others who have gone without, and a nudge to help others.

This year, we are giving up dairy products and sweets.

I learned about 6 years ago that I have an allergy to a dairy protein. I don't have a violent reaction or anything, but it sort of builds up in my body and gives me respiratory problems. (For example, if I eat ice cream in the evening, the next morning I usually have a sinus headache.) Since it's more of a minor annoyance, I "dabble" in dairy now and again, because I love the flavor. I get plenty of calcium from vegetables and there are always supplements if necessary. Vitamin D isn't a problem, either. But, oh! How I love my buttered toast, vanilla bean ice cream, and a good hunk of cheese! !

Sugar I have always been sensitive to. I soar and crash on the stuff. I have reduced my sugar intake over the years, and often use stevia (a sweet herb) instead of sugar when I can, but I can't resist Girl Scout cookies, free donuts, and the occasional candy bar or soda.

So, this will be a tough ride, but worth it, I believe. Wish me fortitude, and good luck to those of you also observing Lent!

Don't Feed the Birds

2006-02-28T14:10:00.000-07:00

Bird flu.

Really, people, it's only a matter of time before it's in your town. The thing is, it's not contagious from person to person at this point. You get it directly from birds' excrement or saliva. So, unless you spend a lot of time around birds (say, as a poultry wrestler or fowl-kisser), and you cook your chicken before you eat it, you are probably not going to catch it.

Free-range chicken farms are concerned that their chickens will contract it from wild ducks whilst they are a-rangin'. Zoos are afraid their inhabitants could contract it from migrating avian passers-by. The Tower ravens at the Tower of London have been moved indoors to keep them from contracting the disease, but the pigeons at Trafalgar Square are still susceptible.

Oh, they have vaccines—for BIRDS. They have nothing for people. These vaccines only keep the birds from dying, but they can still spread it. And since they SEEM healthy, these vaccinated birds could be spreading it it without exhibiting any symptoms, thus making it harder to track.

There is a small lake about a block from my house, full of Mallard ducks and Canada geese. People feed stale bread to the ducks and geese, despite signs telling them not to. The more people feed them, the more they crap everywhere (the birds, not the people). This is gross anyway, but now it's much more of a health concern. It gets on your shoes, and from there it can get into your house, and onto your hands. Local songbirds could also get it, and crap on the playground equipment where they perch, spreading it to the kiddies.

If you take anything away from my blog today, let it be this: wash your hands so you don't die, monkey bars can kill, and those who feed birds are potential murderers.

Happy Birthday, Aaron

2006-02-27T12:59:00.000-07:00

New beings both, mother and child create one another.
Welcome, Little One, to the world of humanity.
Welcome, Mother, to the world of motherhood.

Welcome, my dear friend, to another year of life.
May it, too, be filled with awareness, optimism, creativity, and love.
Congratulations to your mother, on this anniversary of her success.

Mucho Lotto Thoughto

2006-02-22T11:28:00.000-07:00

Okay, so eight people in Nebraska all chipped in and bought a Powerball lottery ticket that won them $363 million last Saturday. http://news.bbc.co.uk/2/hi/americas/4740982.stm Holy crap, that's a lotto money. I wonder what they're going to do with it. They took the lump-sum option, but how will they spend it? Let's speculate for a moment:

They all work at the same meat packing plant. Imagine that they don't like the way the plant is run, but if they quit their jobs, they would effectively close down the plant. Well, the other employees would suffer, and they wouldn't want that. So maybe they buy the plant from the current owners and run it themselves. They could make some serious changes there, maybe even come up with new product lines. How about a new meat for the younger generation? There's got to be an animal out there somewhere that hasn't been expoited for human use yet.

Here's an idea: power meat. Perfect for the fast-paced on-the-go carnivore, it could be pumped full of caffeine and vitamins and nutrients, much like energy drinks, which seem to be so popular with the kids these days. And those who are still adhering to the Atkins diet (you do know Dr. Atkins died of heart problems, don't you?) can have their protein and energy, too. They could inject energy drinks into lunchmeat—talk about a power lunch! And for snacking, how about some beef jerky that has been marinated in a vat of Red Bull? You could even develop a business partnership with Red Bull. Bulls are beef, right? It only seems like the natural next step. Wow, this sounds like a really hot idea. Somebody could make a mint with this, and you heard it here first, folks.

Snow

2006-02-17T14:18:00.000-07:00

Well, we finally got more snow. I don't think it has snowed in over a month (maybe two?). And we only got 6 inches at my house.

Here's a little snow info for those of you who may not know:
It generally takes 8-12 inches of snow to equal one inch of water, but that can vary widely from 100:1 to 3:1, depending on atmospheric conditions.
Much of Colorado's drinking water comes from snowpack in the mountains. So what you're skiing on today will be used to make my tea in July.
On average, a snow-producing weather system drops about 2 inches of snow.
Most snow-attributed deaths are from overexertion (usually from shoveling), and traffic accidents.

For Those Concerned About My Donut Needs

2006-02-10T15:00:00.000-07:00

If you were concerned about whether or not I got any donuts today, you may relax. Indeed, the boss-man arrived in a timely manner, and I celebrated "el dia de los donuts" with not one, but two sugary treats. Not only that, but I managed to scrape up enough change to get some good fresh coffee from the shop down the street. Nice, that. And we got a couple of inches of snow last night, so the morning air was still and quiet. Anyway, now I'm rambling, but rest assured that this week I was amply supplied with donutty goodness.

Random Thoughts

2006-02-07T13:36:00.000-07:00

1. I have lost 5 pounds since I started my hip hop dance class.
2. One can hear too much John Denver (or Air Supply) in a day.
3. Sinus infections are not fun.
4. I don't understand how people can wear shoes without socks.
5. Laminating makes everything better.
6. When in doubt, draw the crawfish yourself.
7. Pointy spoons do not make soup-eating any easier.
8. Never use more than 3 fonts.
9. My brother-in-law has an apple on his desk, and I want to eat it.
10. I prefer yellow highlighter markers.
11. I'm glad ladies' hats with stuffed birds on them are no longer in fashion.
12. If you don't hold my stapler just right, one of the little staple prongs always bends the wrong way.
13. I would write less in my blog if I had to write it by hand.
14. You would read less of my blog if I had to write it by hand.
15. Every Tuesday, iTunes has a new free song you can download from their music store.
16. The Vettriano painting "The Singing Butler" has the dancers positioned incorrectly.The lady is positioned basically the way the gentleman should be, and vice versa. http://www.art.com/asp/sp-asp/_/PD--10107093/SP--A/IGID--747040/Singing_Butler.htm?sOrig=CRT&sOrigId=3237&ui=5B5FA42E702C4EA6B7A2B0D7701C4A29
17. The male seahorse is the childbearer.
18. Cinnamon gum burns my tastebuds, and minty gum hurts my stomach, so I chew bubble gum. But not very often, because after a while, chewing hurts my jaw.

Pareidolia

2006-02-06T14:29:00.000-07:00

“A psychological condition in which the brain falsely creates meaningful patterns, usually pictures of the human face, out of random patterns.”
–Michael Quinion, http://www.worldwidewords.org

I was trying to explain this phenomenon to someone a while back, and all I could say was that people see faces in things because that’s what they are looking for.

If you want to see Satan or an angel in the smoke coming from the WTC twin towers on September 11, 2001, then you will.

The face on Mars is not some secret message from aliens. It is your imagination.

Jesus on a tortilla? If it’s meaningful for you, then that’s fine. I don’t want to rob you of that. I just think it’s silly and a waste of time and energy to go visit a piece of flatbread. I’m sure Jesus would rather feed that bread to the hungry.

No-Donut Friday

2006-02-03T14:38:00.000-07:00

Fridays, as a general rule, come with donuts. In Spanish, this weekly event is referred to as "el Dia de los Donuts." The donuts arrive, via boss-man, around 9 or 10 in the morning, and lurk near the refrigerator in search of empty stomachs to fill. Well, no donuts today. Apparently, the necessity of providing donuts to six employees does not disqualify a person from jury duty. And, of course, those six employees were forced to resort to eating paper towels and pencil shavings with their coffee.

Geraldisms

2006-01-26T14:08:00.000-07:00

All of these statements were made in all seriousness by a fifty-something man at one of my former jobs with no kind of speech impediment or disability of any kind. You can't make this stuff up.

- Hey, I must have ESPN

- I’m German, English and I’ve got some Pig Latin in me

- You could fit a good size baby in here (Distributor Christmas baskets)

- Called Jeff Cannon Jim, Jay, Kevin Chip Johnson

- Portfodio (Portfolio)

- Always wear knee-high socks in business meetings so your pubic hair doesn’t show when you cross your legs

- You want to be sure they don’t pull a leg over your head

- Clean up your area so it doesn’t start looking like a pig pie

- It’s hard to find someone who can do good stilipoe work (Stipple)

- Have you ever been driving and forget where your going, where you’ve been and WHO YOU ARE?

- I like stages with flowers and plants instead of just a bunch of napoleums (Podiums)

- Where are you calling from? Mesquite….Mesquite, Wisconsin?

- I liked that movie Backdraft because the tension between the two brothers was the real crotch of the movie

- Some guys are trying to buffalo me about a pizza

- I lost two ladders and a semi ran over my glasses on the Great Race.

- How do they recycle toilet paper?

- I had a bad weekend; I ran over my dog’s leg with my truck and had to get it cut off

- I have a few ideas up my head

- Hore we go round the merry go bush

- You know 6 and a half, eight and a dozen (Six of one, half dozen of another)

- You can’t cut your cake and eat it too

- Expansion point (Exclamation point)

- When I was born I scared my mother half to death

- He needs to take him under his arm (take him under his wing)

- Put the people outside where there is nice foilage (Foliage)

- O.K Maybe put them over there under those stairs that look like excavators (Escalators)

- That way I can kill two trips with one bird

- I would like to go Benji jumping some day (bungee jumping)

- Always put the film in emotion side up (emulsion)

- Lube (Loupe)

- Microphone glass (magnifying glass)

- You will ruin my thoughts of training (Train of thought)

- I have a horse in my throat

- Is this Chrysler Corporation? I need to talk to the Head Honcho Cheese Guy.

- If you have a million dollars, how many inches is that?

- What kind of mileage does that car get anyway? (Asking Paper Company, Rep right after watching him rent the car in Houston)

- I had a bad weekend, my wife was heating up a bag of chips in the microwave and it caught on fire. When I pulled it out and tried to throw it in the sink it caught the curtains above the sink and the cabinets on fire. Now the whole kitchen is black from the smoke

- Wow Jack you really look bad, you look like you are dying

- You look different. What did you do, dye your hair?

- Boy you’ve really put on some weight.

- Boy your hair is getting long, is that a wig?

- I didn’t know I was a woman (Then never explaining that statement)

- Diet Coke has sukerine in it and you can catch cancer from that can’t you?

- Who killed Peter Rabbit? (No explanation)

- Robuttocks (Referring to robotics)

- They’re trying to make me the billy goat

- Be careful or you’ll be dead meat in the water

- What is that car a Farraro or a Tescarocer?

- It was a hit or in the dark

- I’m going to chew a vendor down on his price

- I fell for that hook line and barrel

- Boy, Robin just went historical when she saw all the blood on me

- We got a new god. It’s a Datsun.

- Correlated Cardboard

- Rocky Mountain Picture Show (Rocky Horror Picture Show)

- It’s a whole different ballpark

- Go-getter boots (Go-Go boots)

- Salt and pepper shaker hair

- Did you know George Clooney won a Golden Glove?

- Elderly Brothers (instead of Everly Brothers)

- You gotta take the capacity down. (instead of the opacity)

- Spelled prairie in God Bless America "parries"

- Chee-Kain (instead of keychain)

- Sweetwater Taffy (instead of Salt water)

- Ditional (digital)

- Takes some used to getting to.

- Eats all the cancer in your battery (aka body)

- Looking at a stuffed turkey,…. How much did the dermatologist charge you to stuff that?

- Squatchy’s (Schlotzsky’s)

- Talking about a body scan- how they check your head, chest, animen (abdomen), your feet, you know.

- Yea, I like to go rip a carpet. (cut a rug)

- Yea, that would open up the door for a can of worms.

- The Price is Rice (Price is Right)

- She’s getting sick and starting to slutter. (instead of stutter)

- Santanic instead of satanic.

- Hey, aren’t Texas A&M and Texas Tech the same school? (said this when the Aggies were visiting.)

- Hey, Kelley…. Don’t you want to turn the milk on? (music)

- He thinks she is the best thing on sliced wheels. (instead of bread).

- When those amarillo’s come out during the day the must have a sickness. (armadillos)

- Are you scared at the clubs now that you will get stompeded?

I left you a message...

2006-01-23T12:55:00.000-07:00

Why don't people listen to messages?

I called someone this morning from work and left them a brief message regarding their rush job and some files I needed re-sent to my e-mail because the previous ones were damaged. About 2 hours later, this person came in to pick up the job. "It's not ready," I explained, "I left you a message," and I proceeded to briefly re-explain the problem. This person's response was, basically, "Oh, I didn't listen to the message, I just figured you were calling to tell me it was ready so I deleted it. I'm just down the street now having lunch, and I just thought I'd pop by to pick it all up, but if it's not ready, I guess I should be back at my desk in another hour or so and I'll call you then so you can re-explain the problem to me again.Then I'll have my guy e-mail you whatever you need." Meanwhile, if they had just listened to the message in the first place, they could have already re-sent the correct files, and I could've had it ready for them to pick up while they were at lunch.

Here's another common scenario: We have a very small company and often there is only one person available (usually me) around lunchtime to answer the phone and help customers that walk in the door. I often find myself calling someone and the call rolls over to their voicemail. While I am in the process of leaving a message, the second phone line rings, and I rush through my voicemail message to answer the second line. Then when I pick it up, it is the very person I was leaving a message for. Rather than listening to any important information in the message and calling me back with questions, they just saw our phone number on their caller ID and immediately called back. Not only does that stress me out a little bit trying to accommodate multiple phone lines at once, but I get the added enjoyment of explaining things twice.

Amputee

2006-01-19T14:26:00.001-07:00

What do you do for a family member who has just had his leg cut off above the knee? I mean, a "Get Well Soon" card isn't going to work. His leg isn't going to grow back. This guy used to run marathons. With prosthetics, he'll be able to do it again, but it's going to be a difficult adjustment. He went through exploratory surgery before and knew then he might come out of it with no leg. And he has talked at length with a friend of his who went through a similar ordeal years ago. He prepared himself as best he could before the amputation, but how can you really prepare for a life without one of your limbs? I'd like to somehow do something for him, even though he lives several states away. Maybe a donation to an organization for amputees in his name? Let me know if you have any ideas.

Where to Live?

2006-01-18T13:45:00.000-07:00

So, Matt and I have decided that we need to move out of Colorado at some point. The dry climate is killing us physically, and I want to do more sustainable gardening (which I can't do with such a short growing season and so little water).

So where should we move to? We don't really want to go back to Texas, but if we did we would move somewhere areound Austin/the Hill Country or Fort Worth. We did a little shopping around in Missouri, Tennessee, and North Carolina, but they just don't seem to have what we're looking for in terms of employment, the amount of crime, or proximity to family.

My family is mostly in Colorado, Kansas and New Mexico, while his family is in (east and south) Texas and Indiana. Some of his family is moving from Texas to Indiana this year, and it is possible that the rest of them may eventually follow. So, we may join the club and move to Indiana, too, but we have no idea when this might happen.

We still want to try to start having kids (probably later this year), so we are just saving up our money and hoping the best opportunity will present itself, whether we have kids or not.

Keep us in your thoughts and prayers, and let me know if you have any ideas or know about any opportunities for a couple of talented graphic designers looking for a more friendly environment not too far (about 8 hours or so) from some family.

Dreams

2006-01-13T09:10:00.000-07:00

Do dreams really mean anything? Are they metaphorically showing us where we are at in our lives or where we should be? Are they merely the result of random-firing neurons? Why are they so emotionally powerful? Sometimes I wake up fighting mad, bawling my eyes out, or swooning with love. Many of my dreams are epic, cataclysmic, quest-like adventures full of challenges, fears, anger, love, and struggle. I have even had dreams (however banal) that came true. How does that happen? Are dreams worth paying attention to, or should we just write them off as something that keeps our brains busy while we sleep? What causes recurring dreams? Why do I sometimes fall asleep in my dreams? I know some people who can influence the outcome of their dreams while they are asleep - why can't I do that?

Hip Hop Yesterday

2006-01-12T15:02:00.000-07:00

Last night was my first hip hop class, and it was a BLAST!! I highly recommend if any of you are considering trying hip hop, or a dance class of any kind, or just anything new, do it. I feel like I got a good workout, had fun, and learned some about the origins of hip hop culture.

A few things I learned:
Hip hop actually began with desegregation of schools, and as with all movements, music was a huge part of it. Throughout the '60s and after, young black people incorporated traditionally black music (blues, soul, funk, etc.) with rock-n-roll beats in their basements (literally why you sometimes hear it referred to as "underground") and block parties. One guy (I forget his name) used to tap into the city's street lights to power his block parties because they couldn't afford the electricity it would take to run the equipment. They did it the way you would expect: DJs took phonograph albums of different songs and played them simultaneously, mixing them together. Sometimes the beats would be provided by another person's vocalizations (later known as "beat-box"). MCs with or without microphones would then chant lyrics (later to be referred to as "rapping") much the way chanting was done by native Africans, and they would challenge others to verbal battles. As with all music forms, the dancing developed alongside, also drawing from multiple influences. Later, the movie Flashdance was credited as the first media exposure of hip hop because there was breakdancing in it. After that, hip hop's popularity increased, as well as its commercialization, and now hip hop culture is well-known for all of its aspects: music, grafitti, fashion, dance, etc.

Fantasy Football

2006-01-11T15:25:00.000-07:00

I've been meaning to write about this for a while, but haven't gotten around to it until now. Last year some friends of mine (you know who you are) somehow convinced me to participate in a Yahoo fantasy football league called Foot Knuckle Flower. Sure, I enjoy watching football, but I don't follow it by any means. So guess what - my team (the Popes) came in 2nd out of 14. How in did I manage to do that? Pure luck, really. The draft and subsequent injuries worked greatly in my favor. I had fun in the league and actually learned a little. I don't think I'll do it again, though. While it is great fun to observe, I really don't belong in the fray. I would rather let others who want to be more involved in the action have my players to draft and trade. They are much more dedicated and enthusiastic, while I had to remind myself to check on my players at least once a week to make sure I wasn't trying to play guys who were out with injuries or who had a bye week. Besides, the chances of me coming off that well next year (or any year thereafter) are so slim, I believe I'll quit while I'm ahead and come away from the experience with a positive attitude and a smile on my face. Go Popes!!

Hip Hop Wednesdays

2006-01-09T15:51:00.000-07:00

Okay, I'm almost 30 years old, and I am starting a hip hop dance class on Wednesday. Now, I used to dance a lot. I took Jazz dance classes as a kid, was in Showchoir from 8th grade all the way through high school, and in college I took (and eventually taught) ballroom, Latin, swing, and country & western dance classes. But that was almost ten years ago. I have taken a couple of classes with my husband (who would like for us to be able to dance together), but nothing new or challenging, really. It's billed as "Beginning Adult Hip Hop" but the definition of adult for their purposes is 16 and over. Now don't get me wrong - I'm taking the class, regardless of whoever else may be taking it. I just wonder: is it strange for me to do so? I don't even know if I have clothes I can dance in anymore. Really, I'm not concerned, just a little excited and anxious, I guess. I'm pretty out of shape, and I'm both hoping and afraid it's going to kick my butt. And I don't really want to be odd-man-out, you know? I don't mind being older or less prepared, but I don't want to be the one holding back the entire class back, or the one who needs special help or anything. I guess we'll see. I'll let you know how it goes after Wednesday's class.

(Someone asked me today, "Is 'hip hop class' an oxymoron?")

Holiday Stuff Makes Me Sick

2006-01-03T10:20:00.000-07:00

As usual, my holidays ended up with me getting sick. This usually happens when we go to East Texas to visit my husband's family, and the difference in air pressure and humidity wreaks havoc on my sinuses. This time, I was prepared with a veritable pharmacy of sinus pressure-relieving products. Too bad that wasn't the problem this time. If it had just been the air, I could've battled and won. But, no: three grubby nephews who had recently had the flu later, the whole family was competing for the toilets. And no one got much sleep because if you weren't using the toilets, you were kept awake by the sound of those who were. The exception being, of course, the dirty but healthy nephews, who slept soundly, then came roaring in to our rooms to play and wrestle with us at 6 AM (about 2 hours after we'd finally managed to fall asleep). Ugh. And then, of course, I got the upper respiratory funk, but it wasn't just the air this time. Almost everyone in the family was sick with that, too. Now, more than a week after it first hit me, I am still coughing and can't sleep well. I sound like I'm talking through a megaphone full of gravel, and I can't think straight. But at least the toilet and I are friends again.

Grandma's Christmas Package

2005-12-20T08:45:00.000-07:00

Every year, my husband's grandmother sends all the grandkids a box of goodies. She used to work at a snooty coffee shop, and she would send yummy coffees, hot chocolate, cider, and teas. Not to mention chocolates and handcrafted candies. Mmmmmm. This year, the box had a cool wrought iron reindeer candle holder and a limited edition ornament, plus some tasty chocolates.

The catch? The ornament is painted with pictures of credit cards, a laptop, what appears to be a checkbook, and other technological gizmos.

Huh?

And it came in a fabric-lined black box with needlework on the lid. Of course, the needlework also depicted computers and cellphones and so forth.

What?

Who was the creative genius that decided Blackberries and wallets belong on a Christmas tree ornament? And why would Matt's crazy grandmother choose that for us? I mean, she is off-the-wall and has a goofy sense of humor, but it's just the sort of thing you're unsure of. Is it a joke? Is she for real? It's a pretty expensive ornament for a joke, but it seems pretty bizarre if it's something she thought we'd really like. We're both graphic designers, so maybe she thought we'd like it because it's handpainted and because we use computers in our work. I don't know. But, strangely, I like it because of it's strangeness.

Anyway, thanks, Grandma. And merry Christmas to you, too!

Wrong Lyrics

2005-12-19T14:10:00.000-07:00

Not exactly Mondegreens, but "wrong" lyrics nonetheless: my mind generates them all day long, even when I know how the song is supposed to go. Fiona Apple's "Criminal" begins, "I've been a fat, fat girl. I've been careless with a Honeybaked ham...." Jimi Hendrix sings, "Hey, Joe, where you goin' with that gum in your hair?" It's like a disease. I'll hear a perfectly good song and mess it up in my mind. I think Weird Al pitched a tent in my head. Sure, for some songs, this can be an improvement. And I don't mind Chris Isaak singing, "I wanna fall in mud." But when "Fascination Street," my favorite song by The Cure, sadly becomes, "Flatulation Streak," I am at a loss as to how I can recapture the feeling it gave me when I first listened to it so many years ago. And there are others that just pop into my head with no point whatsoever. They're not funny, unique, or even very intelligent. Why would Pink Floyd sing about another "prick in the wool?" It's just dumb. But it's like riding a bicycle or swimming - once you've done it you can never go back.

Tuesday Nights

2005-12-13T21:10:00.000-07:00

It's like in high school, when you were so drawn to someone that you waited by the phone, begging it to ring. That person inspired you, enriched you, reminded you that you are more than the sum of your parts, drew you out of yourself into challenging territory.

I didn't really hang out much in high school. At least not with the people I had classes with. Of course, in high school we were all interested mainly in ourselves, so it's not really surprising that I never took much interest in knowing them well. Sure, I secretly liked some, disliked some, feared some, and refused to acknowledge some, but all in my own mind.

Ten years later, I re-met some of those former classmates, and lo and behold, they had turned into fascinating, intelligent, stimulating people. We all seem to have crystallized into a group of friends that enjoys a rousing discourse now and again, about topics distant, broad, trivial, deep, diverse, personal, momentous, linear, and inconsequential. Since we all live in various parts of the country, we meet online at a pre-established time on Tuesday nights.

When we're all on and conferencing together, it's like a party where we're all munching on our favorite hors d'oeuvres, sipping our favorite beverages, and ribbing each other in an effort to get to the chewy center of things. I giddily invite others to join in the fun and the fray.

But it's been a few weeks since we dove into the world and came up gasping for air. I miss the floundering, the reaching out to pull each other to safety, the "Marco Polo" trickery of capture and evasion. When there are only a few of us available to chat, I miss those who don't log on. I feel a bit let down when those who do participate have little to say (myself included). I miss the humor, the provocation, the comfort, and the wonder.

These people provide the markers that help me steer my mind out of the drudgery of everyday thought. They keep me mentally agile and bring variety to my ruminations. I look forward to these encounters with bated breath.

Come on, phone. Ring!

Stupid Cookies

2005-12-09T15:08:00.000-07:00

My favorite cookies are peanut butter & chocolate swirl cookies. Basically, you make peanut butter cookie dough, and roll it out flat on some waxed paper. Then you melt chocolate chips (if you put corn syrup in the chocolate it makes it chewy) and spread the melted chocolate onto the PB dough. Then, you start at one edge and roll up the dough and chocolate so it's a long cylinder of yummity goodness. That cylinder goes into the refrigerator for 30 minutes so the chocolate will cool some and the dough stiffen a bit so that you can slice it up into cookies that look kinda like chocolate and peanut butter "cinnamon rolls." Then you bake them up, and they are delish!

I hate baking these stupid cookies, because it never works out the way it's supposed to. Invariably, the dough stiffens in the fridge, but not the chocolate, which squishes out when you cut. Or the chocolate gets too hard in the fridge and the dough gets squished under the weight of your fingers trying to hold the damn thing as you saw through the unforgiving chocolate. Or the ends get chilled hard as a rock, but the whole thing is still gooey in the middle. Or the outside is just right, but the inside is soft. Or the knife gets gunked up with chocolate and ends up pinching the cookies instead of cutting them. I usually end up with about five cookies that look like they're supposed to. The rest look all smeared up, or they are kind of elongated, or they fall apart and get smashed back together by hand after the fact. Or all of the above. So I just keep the ugly ones for myself, and give away the five that came out right to those who truly deserve them.

More cookies for me!

The 2005 Smilly Jonce Award Nominees

2005-12-07T09:21:00.001-07:00

While vacationing at the majestic Grand Canyon in 1996, I had a dream. In this dream, a shining golden award was presented to Smilly Jonce, in recognition of his most unusual name. The message was plain: having an extremely unusual name can be a challenge, and those who face that challenge unflinchingly every day deserve to be rewarded. Therefore, I collect unusual names, and every year I gather the top ten and submit them to you all for your votes. When all the votes are in, I announce the winner of the annual Smilly Jonce Award. These are actual people, and most (if not all) are unaware of their nomination. Some names are ethnic in nature, and are added to the list purely because most American tastes may find them a little different. The top ten nominees (in no particular order) for the 2005 Smilly Jonce Award are: Larkin Tide Jumper Erna Dollar Roudy Knutts Buff Palm Justin Kase Phat Cao Joost Korngold John P. Greene Dr. Richard Chopp, urologist Jed Wangsgard Honorable Mentions: Susan Nuzum Summer Daye Dick Pound (Tour de France) To vote for your favorite nominee, notifyme of your choice by January 31, 2006, when I will announce the winner. Thank you for participating in this wonderful event, and feel free to submit future nominees at any time. Sincerely, Monica Presiding Smilly Jonce Award Judge

Westerly Winds

2005-12-05T15:34:00.000-07:00

Dry snow from days ago swirls, flying down the street to evaporate into oblivion before reaching the stop sign. The gulls over the shopping center fly into the wind as it lifts them vertically, higher and higher, until it is difficult to see them. I wince at the dirt, dust, and gravel flung at my windshield as I nose into the gusts. The radio says winds of 30-50 miles per hour, with some measured at 80. The lake has whitecaps dashing against the dam and throwing themselves over the top. Tumbleweeds race into the barbed-wire fences. A flailing power line, ripped from its post, waits for a jumproper. The small windmill at the wind research facility is spinning so fast, I can't see the propeller. Or did it break off? No, it's just spinning wildly. My car is bounced in the gusts, and it longs to drive off the shoulder to the shelter of the ditch. Outside the car, stoplights flutter like flags. The air scoops up more pebbles for my windshield, and my windows whistle to each other. My freshly wounded windshield reveals a landscape of dead branches, tangle-haired squinty people waiting for a bus, and a trashbag hanging for dear life onto the bumper of the car in front of me. As I descend into the parking garage, I breathe a sigh of relief that I actually arrived. That breath is instantly sucked from my lungs by a powerful blast of freezing air as I step out of the stairwell and into the alley. Panic grips me momentarily as I struggle for air. I cover my face with my hands and manage to make it across the street and into the building where I spend the rest of my day safely ensconced in my office.

Dog Needs a Home

2005-12-01T14:26:00.000-07:00

One of my coworkers brought a dog to work today in order to try to find him a new home. The dog's name is Brody, and he's an American Eskimo/Poodle mix. He's a beautiful, smart, affectionate little dog, and despite his fluffy fur, he hardly sheds at all.

I love this dog. I want to take him home to live with us, but my husband thinks three dogs is too many. I think Brody would play well with one of our other dogs who also likes to play. They would keep each other occupied enough to leave the other dog (who doesn't like to play as much) alone.

I'm kind of going through a bit of an emotional rollercoaster about this. First, my husband said I could bring Brody home for a test run to see if he got along okay with the other two dogs. I know they would get along great, so I got a little excited. Then he called me at work later and told me that he changed his mind - he doesn't want the hassle of another dog. I am SO disappointed. I am trying not to get attached to the little guy, but he's so affectionate and sweet, I can't help it.

We do have a friend who wants a dog, but her fiancé has said no every time she has asked him in the past. We are supposed to go hang out with them this weekend, and there is the possibility that we might take Brody for the weekend so they can meet him. I'm secretly hoping that we'll do that and they won't want him, but we'll end up keeping him anyway. Cross your fingers for me.

My Bad Habits Include:

2005-11-15T16:05:00.000-07:00

• picking up the language of those around me (not just foul words, but also catch-phrases and even mannerisms)

• biting my nails (nasty habit that I just can't seem to kick completely)

• sitting in my chair half-way (so bad for the back)

• waiting until the last minute to do the dishes in the hopes that they'll just go away

• leaving something sitting out, thinking, "I'll come right back to it," but then not getting back to it for a week

• writing/sketching things out on little scraps of paper that collect on my dresser

• not keeping in touch with my friends unless they keep in touch with me (I love them all, I'm just too lazy to call)

Tooth Chipping

2005-11-10T09:03:00.000-07:00

I chipped two of my teeth the other day. Not in a fight, not eating something hard, just sitting at my desk at work.

I was sitting in front of my computer, reading (about humanure composting, if you want to know) with my chin on my hand, a la "The Thinker," and my jaw muscles unexpectedly relaxed, causing my head to sort of topple, and my teeth to grate across each other. I heard a little crunch, and my mouth had little gritty bits in it. Now, two of my bottom front teeth have little chips off the corners of them, and I feel the rough edges with my tongue all the time.

I have always had somewhat thin enamel, and I'm sure the recent influx of Halloween candy didn't help to strengthen my teeth any. I just hope I don't have to get dentures when I'm fifty or something.

Halloween Morning 2005

2005-10-31T14:14:00.000-07:00

The damp chill of last night evaporates from the street, softening the bright morning sunshine with a delicate low haze. Fallen leaves (the naughty children of autumn) play tag in the streets, dancing and chasing, oblivious to harried commuters.

Some trees cling desperately to the remains of their colorful cloaks. Others, newly free of their wraps, stretch their naked limbs luxuriously toward the sky, inviting the sun to touch them. The wise old pines sit snuggled in their greenery, watching with amusement as their kin discover their autumn selves.

Tonight the damp chill will come with darkness, and little ghosts, witches, heroes, and princesses will shiver their way through the streets, happily replacing the leaves of day. It is their night, and they will brave the annual chill in search of mouthfuls of joy so that they may return home tired and exhilarated, their sticky fists and little eyes closed tightly in delightful sleep.

Antityping

2005-10-26T10:17:00.000-06:00

Some days I just can't type due to what amounts to a ten-digit rebellion. My fingers get all tangled up with one another and they seem to be avoiding the very keys I am steering them toward. It's like someone came in here and exchanged pipe cleaners for my fingers. When I type "c", I want to type "c" for crying out loud, not "v" or any other letter! Obey my commands, stupid fingers! Or, as they like to call themselves, "fibngresa".

Love Dreams

2005-10-25T08:51:00.000-06:00

Last night I dreamt again I fell in love.
Old flame, a friend, someone I only saw;
No matter who it is, I fall in love
And wake recalling details of the dream.
A ferris wheel, a river, an old job,
A car, apartment, playground, or a church,
It all congeals together in my dream,
What ifs - they float around my foggy mind
Until recalling that my love is here
Beside me breathing softly in his sleep,
And I am safe, to present life recalled.
No longer yearning, struggling for that kiss
Dissolving in the sunlight where my heart
Contracts against no emptiness or loss.

Fun Size

2005-10-18T14:39:00.000-06:00

What makes a "Fun Size" candy bar more fun? Why is a regular-sized Butterfinger not fun, but one only two inches long is? If anything, the smaller ones are more work, because you have to open more of them to equal the same amount of candy as a normal candy bar. Is it a psychological marketing ploy to make you think you're going to have fun with miniature candy bars that are, in reality, more annoying? Really, I think the regular sized candy bars are more fun, because the time-enjoying-to-time-unwrapping ratio is more favorable.

Driving to Work

2005-10-17T09:03:00.000-06:00

Stark black cattle freckle the hillside, like so many fleas on a dog accustomed to his freedom.
The undulating hills prostrate themselves before the mountains that keep watch.
The mountains themselves genuflect in reverence to the mighty golden sky as the sun glances down on his children.

Rage Against the High School Machine

2005-10-13T14:12:00.000-06:00

Why is the guy from Rage Against the Machine so angry? Was he this angry when he was a kid? Imagine what he might have been like in high school. Did his classmates fear him as he went stomping down the hall, smashing his fists into lockers and yelling about how the poor oppressed kids had to bring PB&J while the richies got fat off hot trays of cafeteria food? I bet he wrote angry poetry in his English class when they studied Shakespeare and had to write their own sonnets for homework. If he was writing songs back then, they might have been something like this:

I missed the bus this morning, had to get a ride from Mom.
In class I got the busted PC without a CD-ROM.
My shoe came untied in the hall, so I tripped and fell.
I couldn't open my locker, and I missed the tardy bell.
Got a Math test today, but I broke my lucky pencil.
Got a Science project due, but I couldn't find my stencil.
Uh! Yeah! Ain't got no luck!
Uh! Yeah! This high school sucks!

The Dark

2005-10-06T08:51:00.000-06:00

Okay, I have a bit of a confession. I am still a little scared of the dark. Not the dark itself, really, but what could be lurking there. I have what I have heard termed as "imaginitis" or an inflamed imagination, which causes me to imagine things so hard that I almost convince myself that they are true (thanks, Heather, for the term). So I see shapes lurking in shadows that look like people or demonic monsters, and often have the feeling that I'm being watched. At night, when turning off lights and locking doors before bed, I sometimes find myself running up the darkened stairs to the light of the bedroom at the top, where my husband and the dogs are.

The worst was when we took a friend of mine out for dinner and a movie last weekend. She wanted to see the Exorcism of Emily Rose, so we did. We got home, all creeped out, and went to bed. Well, I kept imagining all sorts of demons doing things I couldn't see in the dark, so it took me forever to go to sleep. Then I woke up to go to the bathroom, and couldn't go back to sleep. My tossing and turning woke up my husband, who also got freaked out. We ended up turning on all the lights and reading for an hour or so until we just couldn't keep our eyes open.

Of course, this could be attributed to the fact that as a child, when such fears are more prevalent, my older sister would crawl into my room at night, hiding below the edge of the bed, and reach up and grab me as I lay there sleeping. For me, there really WAS a monster that would come out from under my bed and get me. I also had wooden accordion-style folding closet doors on which the woodgrain was bookmatched in such as way as to look like two devils looking at me when the doors were closed (which was usually one of the last things done in the evening before going to bed).

So now that I am an adult, with an intelligent rational mind and logic that tells me if there was no one there with the lights on there can be no one there with the lights off, why do I still get freaked out in the dark sometimes? Is it damage inflicted by a sometimes spooky childhood? Or am I somehow more sensitive to what some refer to as the "spiritual realm" of spirits, ghosts, and demons?

The Internet

2005-09-30T14:11:00.000-06:00

The internet is a wonderful and horrible place. I love the freedom it gives people, the opportunities it provides, and the communication it fosters. You can see, say, hear, find, buy, and do what you want. There are jobs, people, ideas, information, and products galore! But there are viruses, spam, spyware, pop-up and animated ads, and all kinds of annoying invasive "things" to deal with as well.

And then there is the great opportunity for miscommunication based on a text-only method that does not allow for the nuances of face-to-face or even faceless verbal communication. Even with old-fashioned letter-writing, there was a person's handwriting to interpret, complete with scratched-out words, smears, and sometimes little drawings. So in order to be clear, it seems like people need more words in their vocabularies to express the closest connotation to what they mean, or, indeed, emoticons. There is also the fact that it is virtually instant. Great! You can get my good news today! Or, I can type out how I feel and hit "post" or "send" and you receive it, no turning back. Gone are the days of writing angry letters, stewing over them, and finding them later, to laugh at or throw away, glad we never sent them.

I almost wonder if the internet makes us more honest. We have to be more open about our feelings as we type, to make sure we communicate our good/ill will to those who read it. And, without the wait time between writing and sending, we submit our thoughts true to the moment we think them. I think this is all well and good, and I am willing to put up with a few annoyances in order to better connect with my fellow humans.

Halloween

2005-09-27T14:21:00.000-06:00

I love Halloween. It's a throwback to childhood, where I get to play dress-up and pretend I'm somebody/something else, and eat as much candy as I want. It's also a good excuse for a party to hang out with good friends. We try to have one every year.

Last year I dressed up 1980s-style, complete with asymmetrical "permed" hairstyle, layered brightly-colored clothes, acid-washed denim skirt, blue eyeshadow, and big hoop earrings. My husband Matt dressed up like Martha Stewart in jail, including orange scrubs, blond wig, pearls, and an apron. It was great!

I'm not sure what either of us is going to do this year. We usually get our first snow around Halloween, so I always try to make it something somewhat warm. Let me know if you have any ideas, and I'll let you know what I end up with.

People Should Pay Me to Slap Them

2005-09-23T13:38:00.000-06:00

Seriously. I think some people just don't know they're being unreasonable, and I would be doing them a service. I mean, on my own time I could go around and slap people who are generally difficult, but while I am at work and educating the clients on what we are and are not capable of producing, they should pay for the valuable service I am providing.

If we're closed over the weekend, a person should not assume that they can bring us a project at the close of the business day on Friday and pick it up when we open on Monday morning. When do they think we are going to work on it? How many times do I have to politely point out to a person that if we are closed, no one will be here to print their job? And it often takes hours or even days, depending on the specifics of the job.

Take a moment to think before you speak or act, people; some simple common sense can take you far. And then I won't be inclined to slap you.

Ruined Clothing

2005-09-22T15:44:00.000-06:00

How do I manage to ruin all my good clothes? A perfectly good blue shirt I have had for years suddenly has a small, blackish, tie-dyed-looking stain on it - in the middle of the back. And my favorite brown T-shirt has some odd faded spots on it. Then there are my jeans, most of which have mysterious black spots on the back of the left knee. I have always followed label directions pretty carefully, and I don't mix colors, especially with new clothes that haven't been washed yet. I know it's not my husband, either, because I don't let him help with the laundry. It's not that he messes it up (except for the shrunken sweater incident), but I really enjoy laundry, even thinking it was something I was good at up until this point.